Age does two things – it makes us slower, but it also makes us wiser!
In my fifties, I’m having to learn a completely different physical, emotional, and sexual rhythm. And that’s okay. In fact, it’s pretty darn great.
When I was younger, we lived for the weekend! T.G.I.F.!!! We would get off work at 5 p.m. and it was officially “Date Night!” We debriefed from our long work-week over a leisurely dinner at a nice restaurant, took in a movie at the local theater, then went home and “debriefed” in a whole different way (if you know what I mean!). And if we were lucky, our Saturday mornings could be spent sleeping in a little and enjoying “Round 2.”
But times have changed. My work week is just getting started come Friday night, as I often travel and speak at church conferences over the weekend. But even when I’m not traveling, I’ve learned that Friday night is simply NOT Date Night anymore!
I’m not complaining! I’m really okay with it… now that I understand it! You see, when my husband comes home from a 40+ hour-work-week on Friday evening absolutely, positively, completely spent! Even if sex were on his mind, he wouldn’t have the brain power left to verbalize it. This isn’t an insult to his age or intelligence – he’s an incredibly healthy, vibrant, intelligent (not to mention sexy) guy. But by the time Friday evening arrives, he’s simply ready to crawl into a cave, be totally silent for a while, and recharge his batteries.
Since there are no such caves where we live, we’ve recently christened Friday night as “Pizza & DVD” night. No deep conversation required. Just relaxing together silently, passively enjoying an entertaining movie, and looking forward to crashing and burning come bedtime.
But then guess what happens the rest of the weekend? Lo and behold he comes to life on Saturday! With fresh emotional & mental batteries, he’s asking if I’d like to go on a long bike ride before it gets too hot. He asks what kind of house projects I need help with that afternoon. He offers to take me out to dinner Saturday night, or he helps me cook a family dinner. We go to church Sunday morning and worship together.
And then guess what happens by Sunday afternoon? We’re both rested, refreshed, exercised, energized, and ready to tear each other’s clothes off the way we used to be on Friday nights!!!
T.G.I.F.??? More like “T.G.I.S.” at our house!!!
Another benefit I’ve noticed is that so often a woman comes to bed at night feeling a little frumpy. We’ve just tucked our hair back into a pony-tail, and stripped every ounce of makeup off – not exactly the look we’d go for if posing for Cosmopolitan magazine! But coming home from church, my hair is perfectly in place, my makeup is still fresh, and I’m even dressed in my Sunday best… which will need to be removed and hung neatly back in my closet anyway, so why not enjoy a little “Sabbath strip tease” to show that visually-stimulated husband of ours how much we love him, followed by looking-and-feeling-our-best “Sabbath sex” to get our endorphin & oxytocin levels soaring? (the “feel-good” hormones produced during sexual intimacy)
Some of you are blushing. “What will the kids think if we’re having sex in the middle of the afternoon?” Hey, it’s our job as parents to teach our children to “Honor the Sabbath” with a regular Sunday-afternoon nap! They don’t need to know what we’re doing before or after the nap! Even if they are old enough to figure it out, it’s also our job to teach them that MARRIAGE is the place where sexual intimacy is to be freely enjoyed – no guilt, no shame, no inhibition, no negative consequences! So lock that bedroom door behind you and be a good teacher, Mom & Dad!
“That sounds so sacrilegious!” you might be saying. Girlfriend, it may not have been taught in Sunday school, but sex within marriage is in NO way sinful, regardless of what day of the week it is! Sex is an act of worship (our way of saying, “We choose YOUR plan of satisfying each other’s sexual needs within the confines of our marriage bed, God, just the way you intended it!”), so why not enjoy sex on a Sunday? In fact, why not enjoy sex EVERY Sunday? 🙂
Wishing you many restful Sabbaths,
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