Hot Tips For Sexually Confident Wives #48

Words from an Older Sexually Confident Wife!

I’m so blessed to receive frequent emails and letters about the impact that one of my books or speaking engagements have had on someone’s life, but this one made me do triple backflips, so I wanted to share it with my readers, hoping that you’ll do triple backflips for “Helen” and her husband too!   Her name has been changed to protect her identity, as I feel certain she wouldn’t want her whole church knowing these intimate details of her sex life, but I’m honored that she shared them with me, and based on what she has written, I believe she wants me to share them with YOU as well! 

Helen writes: Shannon, you spoke at our church this past year.  I was one of the “older” gals in the crowd.  My husband and I have been married almost 50 years, and we’re probably considered the poster children for the “happily married couple.”  I wanted to share what happened to me at the retreat… I prayed that Friday morning that the Lord would use me and that I would be open to anything He wanted to teach me, then I went off to the retreat.And then you showed up… :)If anyone had asked me, I would have said that my husband and I have a great sex life and have from the beginning of our marriage.  I had orgasms easily from the first day of our marriage.  We are fortunate in that we were both virgins and believers when we got married…I thought our sex life was “normal” and better than a lot.  Yes, my husband seemed to want it all the time and yes, I was worn out during the child-rearing season so we did have plenty of those “not tonight” discussions during those years.  But I was always happy to “pay” him for help around the house with a “quickie” every so often.

SO WHAT HAPPENED AT THE RETREAT?I keep asking myself that question.  Something major – MAJOR happened.  My menopause lasted many years, and I had several health issues and enough depression to warrant medication.  Unfortunately a side effect of the medication was that I could no longer have an orgasm.  Having never had that problem before, I begged God for the feeling to come back, to the point of tears, but eventually told God that I would be content with whatever I currently had or did not have.  I stopped the anti-depressants after a few months, but the ability to climax never returned.  My husband has also had some erectile dysfunction issues over the past decade, but we’ve operated under the premise that it’s always too soon to give up!  This has resulted in greater intimacy.  Even though all we had to offer each other sometimes was holding and kissing, we never gave up wanting all we could have with one another.

SO WHAT HAPPENED AT THE RETREAT? Over 20 years ago my husband
approached me about doing a little more experimenting.  By that he meant
he wanted to have oral sex.  I was dead set against it.  It just seemed wrong to me.  I tried to explain that intimacy to me was face-to-face, mouth-to-mouth, etc.  We tried it a few times but I hated it and finally asked him not to bring it up again.  He graciously complied.  I mention all of this for two reasons:  (1) a person’s mental attitude is everything, and (2) as I have thought about this over the past few days, I believe my husband’s selflessness and not-insisting attitude communicated that he loved and respected me, and that however I felt about something was all right.  He wanted to please me more than he wanted to please himself and have sex the way he wanted it.  I believe his wonderful attitude contributed to the freedom that I experienced after your retreat…SOMEHOW, BY GOD’S GRACE AND THE ANOINTING ON WHAT YOU SAY AND HOW YOU SAY IT, God did something amazing.  I’m not sure what He did or if I even know which time you spoke or if it was an accumulation of what you said plus your book.   But it was like I had a curtain over my mind and suddenly God pulled the curtain back and set me free to FULLY enjoy myself and, though I had heard and believed the saying that “nothing is wrong between you and your mate if it is all right with both of you,” somehow, I now had a new GREEN LIGHT that God made these parts of our bodies for our enjoyment.  More to the point, it was alright for me to enjoy it ALL!  In fact, God delights in me enjoying myself.  After listening to you talk, I wanted to buy your book thinking it might help.  And I even felt free to buy the black copy of The Sexually Confident Wife – the one with sketches! 

My husband said I was different when I walked in the door after the retreat.I am FREE and I can’t explain it except that God has done something MARVELOUS!  I came home and started reading the book out loud to my husband.  I got online and ordered some “special aids” from the Christian website you recommended [].  Thank you for that.  WOW!  They have really helped.  We are having a summer of romance, for sure!  Except for when he’s out of town, we have only missed one day of sex since the retreat!  We’ve even done it 3 times in one day!  I have even begun having orgasms again for the first time in 20 years, and I have high hopes for many more to come! (pardon the pun!)I felt I wanted to write to you, Shannon, because I want women to know that it is never too late to more fully enjoy one’s mate!  (even if she thinks she’s already enjoying him!)  I’m also telling you these very private things about us because the devil really loves to lie to people my age that “some things are over” and I would like for older women to be encouraged otherwise. I told my husband the other day that often I feel like I am this special child God loves.  I was walking along minding my own business, showed up at the retreat expecting to be a blessing and to be blessed, but not even knowing the GREAT GIFT He was about to give me, or that I was even in need of anything, and HOW MUCH MORE FUN was ahead of me/us!!  I love God.  He is amazing and loves us SOOOOO much.  I have been surprised by JOY and I can’t thank my Heavenly Father enough. I can’t thank you enough either, Shannon.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!  We believe you have a special anointing to talk about sexuality to all ages.  God bless you for doing what He has gifted you to do.  We are also reading Every Young Woman’s Battle because we’re sending copies to our granddaughters.  I can’t wait to discuss the book with them when we’re together!
Rejoicing, Helen 

If you have a testimony on how you have been impacted by one of my books or conferences I’d love to hear from you! 
Click here to contact me.

Wishing you great sex for MANY years to come!


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Excerpted from The Sexually Confident Wife: Connecting with Your Husband Mind*Body*Heart*Spirit by Shannon Ethridge. Copyright 2008.  All Rights Reserved. Published by Random House Inc, New York, NY. Used by Permission. Not to be copied without Publisher’s prior written approval.