Last time we discussed how important it is for a woman to feel a strong emotional connection to her husband to feel any sexual connection at all. In order to be successful at maintaining an emotional connection, we must pay attention not just to WHAT we say, but also to HOW we say it.
Years ago while reading a book called “Gifts from the Heart” by Randy Fujishin, I discovered a life-saving, marriage-building, family-strengthening acronym that’s helped me say what I want to say in a loving, non-threatening way. When I remember to use this acronym, conversations usually turn out very constructive. When I forget… well… the conversations can easily become destructive, and I wind up having to resort to this plan eventually — out of desperation to get us back on the right track!
The goal is to “Cut Each Other Some S.L.A.C.K.” which stands for:
SIT down together so the two of you can be on the same physical level. Fighters in a boxing ring stand — ready to attack — but lovers sit eye-to-eye. This will diffuse tension and set the stage for a focused conversation without distractions. This also helps both spouses quell the temptation to turn around and storm out of the room, which is never a good strategy.
Listen to one another with a desire to understand the exact nature of the problem at hand and the specific feelings your spouse is experiencing. Remember, seek first to understand, then to be understood.
Ask non-offensive questions in order to clarify your perceptions of your mate’s concerns and provide assurance that you hear what your spouse is saying. Remember you are on the same team, so the goal of every conflict is to find an acceptable solution to every problem.
Compromise so that you can both feel good about whatever decision is made. Come up with a win-win strategy that leaves you both feeling like champions at the game of conflict resolution.
Kiss or hug or hold hands and pray – anything to express affection, confirming your continued commitment to the relationship.
Remember — by handing conflict in such a constructive way, a couple can get to the “make-up sex” a lot faster!
Wishing you unity and harmony as you cut each other some S.L.A.C.K.!
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