Hot Tips For Sexually Confident Wives #44

Don’t Get Mad… Get Sad… Then Get Glad- Part 2

This Hot Tip was inspired by a woman I met on a weekend retreat in Saskatoon…

Darlene bemoaned that when she comes home late at night, it’s often to a sink full of dirty dishes. Her husband has messed up the kitchen, then spent the evening on the computer or in front of the TV, but wants her to go upstairs to bed with him as soon as she gets home.

Of course, Darlene feels angry, put-upon, taken for granted, pulled in two different directions, etc. Understandable.

But women have the power to turn these situations around to work in our favor!

Consider these four different approaches that Darlene could have taken to that scenario, and contemplate which you’ll choose the next time you’re faced with a similar dilemma:

  • Response #1 – Get mad, send him on to bed alone, and do the dishes yourself, begrudgingly of course, withholding sex as punishment for his inconsiderate behavior. (bad choice, but the one that Darlene admits to making numerous times)
  • Response #2 – Get sad, then explain, “It’s disappointing to me to come home to a sink full of dirty dishes when what I really want to do is spend quality time with you. I can’t do both simultaneously – dishes and sex – and all I have the energy for is one or the other. Which do you prefer?” (and if he says “sex” ask if he’s going to get up early the next morning to take care of those dishes himself?!)
  • Response #3 – Simply say, “Honey, I really appreciate you feeding the kids dinner tonight. And I’d love to show my appreciation by floating your boat tonight, so would you mind giving me a hand with these dishes so we can go to bed together?” (much better approach)
  • Response #4 – Call on your way home from work to explain, “Honey, I confess… I’ve been having this fantasy all day… that I come home to a totally clean kitchen so I can walk right past it… and straight up to our bedroom with you! Are you game?”

Yeah, that last one would be the best approach, by far. Let him know in advance what kind of expectations, hopes, and dreams you have about how you spend your time at home, and chances are, he’s going to be much more inspired to live up to those expectations, fulfill your hopes, and perhaps even surpass your wildest dreams!

So which response will you choose next time? Will you get mad? Or get sad? Or be glad that you know just how to handle the situation, inspiring the intimacy you both long for rather than requiring it of him?

Hoping you’ll move beyond the madness… through the sadness… and discover the gladness in marriage!


Excerpted from The Sexually Confident Wife: Connecting with Your Husband Mind*Body*Heart*Spirit by Shannon Ethridge. Copyright 2008.  All Rights Reserved. Published by Random House Inc, New York, NY. Used by Permission. Not to be copied without Publisher’s prior written approval.