Author and Advocate for Healthy Sexuality and Spirituality

Category Archives: Sexually Confident Wife

Hot Tips For Sexually Confident Wives #61- EMBRACE PASSION!

I believe that God knew from the beginning of time that sexual passion would be the main topic that would appeal, distract, occupy, confuse, bewilder, arouse, and fascinate us more so than any other topic. Just look at our movies, music, magazines, and every other form of media under the sun. Sex sells. Because an insatiable curiosity about sex is the one thing all sexual beings have in common.


However, as Peter Kreeft says, “God knew there would be no other subject in which there would be more heat and less light… There are thousands of ‘how to’ books on sex, but that doesn’t mean we know how. In fact, the opposite is true. It’s when everybody’s pipes are leaking that people buy books on plumbing.”

So long before other books were published on the matter, God established His own best-selling whirlwind romance novel through the Song of Solomon. And read through the right lens, neither Harlequin nor Hustler, neither Penthouse nor Playboy can compete.

After multiple readings, I also believe Song of Solomon was written not just as a celebration of love, relationship, marriage, and sex, but also of how God designed the human body and brain such that our senses are incredibly heightened under the influence of such passion. Notice how specific things are mentioned throughout the chapters that appeal to all five of our senses…

Taste – kisses like fine wine, lover like an apple tree, lips like honeycomb, and milk and honey under the tongue

Smell – exquisite perfumes, sachets of myrrh between the breasts, clusters of henna blossoms, fragrance of blossoming vines, incense from fine spices

Hearing – seasons of singing, cooing of doves, sweetness of lover’s voice, a garden fountain, a well of flowing water, a lover knocking at the door

Feeling – a verdant bed, a lover’s embrace, longing for the sights, sounds, and feel of her lover, a stolen heart due to a glance, a locked garden, enclosed spring, sealed fountain, a pounding heart at her lover’s arrival, a sunken heart at her lover’s absence, feeling faint with love, unquenchable desire

Sight – a wide variety of physical attributes — from facial features to intimate body parts – are likened to such awe-inspiring things as a harnessed mare, a scarlet ribbon, pomegranate halves, strings of jewels, gold, silver, polished ivory, sapphires, marble, doves, lilies among thorns, gazelles, flocks of goats and sheep, the fairness of the moon, the brightness of the sun, the majesty of the stars…

When God’s Word so fervently and unashamedly describes her lover’s kiss, as well as her navel as a goblet of fine wine (1:2, 7:2), and her stature as “like that of the palm, and… breasts like clusters of fruit…” such that her lover declares, “I will climb the palm tree and take hold of its fruit” (7:7-8), the reader certainly gets the idea that God is not modest when it comes to committed love and sexual passion within marriage!

So why in the world should our perspective on sex and marriage be any different?


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Hot Tips For Sexually Confident Wives #60


As promised in the last Hot Tips, we’re examining what it means to be a Sexually Confident Wife, which I’ve defined as:

Letting go of three things: guilt, shame, and inhibition…

And embracing three things: passion, purpose, and pleasure

So for this Hot Tip we’ll focus on letting go of INHIBITIONS…

Everything in the world has a purpose, and a pattern which it naturally and instinctively follows in order to fulfill its purpose. If we examine the pattern that human beings naturally and instinctively follow, you’ll notice that we have an undeniable tendency to gravitate over and over again toward four things: eating, drinking, sleeping, and sex.

Researchers have identified these as the four “pleasure centers” of the brain – pleasure centers which constantly cry out for satisfaction. This is how humans are wired. Those four pleasure centers are where we live, or at least, where we should be living.

When we grow hungry, we don’t feel any shame about eating, right? No one casts a stone at us when we become thirsty. We haven’t sinned when we fall asleep at the end of a long day. There’s absolutely no shame in experiencing hunger, thirst, or exhaustion.

So why should human beings feel shame when our sexual appetites cry out to be fed? Why do we (sometimes subconsciously) fear displeasing the God we worship when we experience a desire for sex? Isn’t that how humans are designed by God? Aren’t we just following the pattern? Fulfilling our purpose? Yes, we are.

And to try to deny that purpose or reinvent that pattern because of the social taboos we’ve allowed to brainwash our thinking about our sexuality is nothing short of heresy.

Wishing you inhibition-free living,


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Excerpted from The Sexually Confident Wife: Connecting with Your Husband Mind*Body*Heart*Spirit by Shannon Ethridge. Copyright 2008.  All Rights Reserved. Published by Random House Inc, New York, NY. Used by Permission. Not to be copied without Publisher’s prior written approval.