Author and Advocate for Healthy Sexuality and Spirituality

Category Archives: Sexually Confident Wife

Following the Pattern

Everything in the world has a purpose, and a pattern which it naturally and instinctively follows in order to fulfill its purpose.  If we examine the pattern that human beings naturally and instinctively follow, you’ll notice that we have an undeniable tendency to gravitate over and over again toward four things:  eating, drinking, sleeping, and sex.  Researchers have identified these as the four “pleasure centers” of the brain – pleasure centers which constantly cry out for satisfaction.  This is how humans are wired.  Those four pleasure centers are where we live, or at least, where we should be living.

When we grow hungry, we don’t feel the need to apologize for eating, right?  No one casts a stone at us when we become thirsty.  We haven’t sinned when we fall asleep at the end of a long day.  There’s absolutely no shame in experiencing hunger, thirst, or exhaustion.  So why should human beings feel shame when our sexual appetites cry out to be fed?   Why do we (sometimes subconsciously) fear displeasing the God we worship when we experience a desire for sex?  Isn’t that how humans are designed by God?  Aren’t we just following the pattern?  Fulfilling our purpose?  Yes, we are.  And to try to deny that purpose or reinvent that pattern because of the social taboos we’ve allowed to brainwash our thinking is nothing short of heresy.  
…Unless you’ve taken a vow of celibacy as a nun, your spirituality does not require that you abandon your sexual pleasure.  Your sexuality shouldn’t require you to abandon your spirituality either.  Consider fully integrating the two. 
Don’t make the mistake of assuming that integrating your sexuality and spirituality will make for a dull combination.  Sacred sex doesn’t mean boring sex.  Rather, the more spiritually connected two people are, the more intimate, playful, and passionate they can be!  Like a chocolate-and-vanilla swirl ice cream cone, integrating our spirituality and sexuality makes for a delightfully satisfying combination. 
Now that I think about it, maybe there’s a reason why we sometimes shout, “Oh, God!  I’m coming!” as we experience orgasm.  Perhaps sexual climax brings us closer to God than anything else on earth. Isn’t a powerful and pleasurable sexual connection, when freely enjoyed between husband and wife, a sweet foretaste of the connection we’ll one day experience in the afterlife?  When we can intimately know God as fully as we are known by Him and enjoy basking unashamedly in His presence?  For that reason alone, let us overcome any spiritual obstacles holding us back from experiencing our own little slice of Heaven here on earth!
Excerpted from The Sexually Confident Wife: Connecting with Your Husband Mind*Body*Heart*Spirit by Shannon Ethridge. Copyright 2008.  All Rights Reserved. Published by Random House Inc, New York, NY. Used by Permission. Not to be copied without Publisher’s prior written approval. 

A Perfect Gift From A Perfect God

Imagine this scenario.  I know my daughter absolutely loves sushi.  So to show her how much I love her, I make an entire tray of the most exquisite California Rolls you’ve ever seen or tasted.  I leave them on the top shelf of the fridge with a note that says, “Enjoy!  I love you!” 

But days later, I notice she hasn’t touched them.  I inquire, “Erin, why have you not enjoyed the sushi I made for you?” 
She replies, “I was afraid you’d judge me if I enjoyed them too much.”
I respond, “What?  But I made them especially for you – for your pleasure!  Why in the world would you fear I’d judge you for indulging in them?”  If anything, I feel hurt that she hasn’t allowed herself to enjoy them at all.
Doesn’t make sense, does it?  Nor does it make sense for us to fear indulging in sexual intimacy within marriage when this is the exact exquisite gift God has created especially for our enjoyment.  Perhaps rather than fear offending God with our sexual expression, we should fear offending God by our lack of it.
Excerpted from The Sexually Confident Wife: Connecting with Your Husband Mind*Body*Heart*Spirit by Shannon Ethridge. Copyright 2008.  All Rights Reserved. Published by Random House Inc, New York, NY. Used by Permission. Not to be copied without Publisher’s prior written approval.