Refuel That Loving Feeling!

If you ever saw marriage counselor Gary Neuman featured on Oprah, you saw the major controversy that he stirred! Women were screaming, “It’s not fair to blame the wife when a husband cheats!” I agree that men are responsible for their OWN poor choices, but I also wholeheartedly agree with Neuman about his findings…

In his book “The Truth About Cheating,” Neuman discusses how the “other woman” isn’t usually as pretty or interesting as the wife. So what’s the draw? The emotional HIGH he experiences when she makes him feel better about himself than his wife does. In his survey of 200 husbands, 48% of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they were unfaithful.

I toss this statistic out there as a vivid reminder — sexual needs aren’t all that we need to pay attention to when it comes to keeping our man happy. We also need to be aware of his emotional needs. Yep, men have them too! For example, one of our friends lamented when I was writing The Sexually Confident Wife:

Why is it that women think they can be rude, demanding, and disrespectful to their husbands, then expect that everything should function normally in bed? When my wife rides me all evening about how I don’t help out enough in the house or with the kids, or how I don’t bring home enough money for her to pay all the bills, or how I don’t pay her enough attention or meet her emotional needs, the last thing I want to do is cuddle up next to her and make love.

Think about it. If a man treated a woman harshly during the day, would she be eager to let him touch her that night? Not a chance. This dynamic works both ways. Sometimes a woman expects that her husband’s heart and penis should be made of steel, built to withstand the most disappointing and frustrating of relational dynamics. But he’s no robot. He’s a human being with feelings and emotions, and he needs to be somewhat affirmed in order to feel aroused.

So while it’s easy for women to whine, “You don’t meet my emotional needs!,” let’s press the pause button and ask ourselves, “When was the last time I focused on meeting HIS emotional needs? What can I do this week to refuel that loving feeling?”

Wishing you warm hearts toward one another,
Shannon

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Excerpted from The Sexually Confident Wife: Connecting with Your Husband Mind*Body*Heart*Spirit by Shannon Ethridge. Copyright 2008.  All Rights Reserved. Published by Random House Inc, New York, NY. Used by Permission. Not to be copied without Publisher’s prior written approval.