We’re finally home from our one-month speaking tour in the Land Down Under, and the past 48 hours have been a whirlwind of unpacking suitcases, laundry, getting kids in school, returning phone calls and emails, opening a month’s worth of mail, and trying to get back in THIS time zone. (I’m writing this at 4 a.m., which means I haven’t been successful on this last item.)
I’m finding it interesting that I’ve just proven one of the theories I present in The Sexually Confident Wife — that the less you have sex, the less you want to have sex & the more you have sex, the more you want it. As you can imagine, over the past 4-5 weeks with this huge family trip, our opportunties for lengthy passionate sexual encounters have been rare. Sometimes it was because we were so busy getting ducks in a row for the next day’s speaking engagement. Sometimes it was because we were traveling in a small RV with two children less than three feet from our bed. Sometimes it was because we were simply exhausted from the day’s activities. I whispered in my husband’s ear on the plane, “I can’t wait to get you home and in bed!”
However, once we finally walked in the door, my “desire radar” read absolutely zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. I couldn’t understand it (and neither could he). Then I remembered that theory and realized — rather than allowing myself to “hit the wall,” I needed to intentionally “scale the wall” instead. And yep, the theory proves true. Once we make an intentional effort to scale that wall of personal resistance, we indeed find EUPHORIA on the other side!
Do you find this to be true for you as well? If so, give us some pointers on how you get back on the right track in your sexual relationship!
Now I hear my husband moving around upstairs. Obviously his body clock hasn’t adjusted yet either. I’m going to go climb that wall again!
Shannon
Amy says
I think this is absolutely true. Once you get “engaged” in the process, gravity takes over and it gets more pleasant, even when you are not in the mood at all. And when you “wake up” that part of yourself, all over again, it really perks up the whole sex-drive. I’ve always thought that the more you have sex, the more you want it. Thanks for putting it in a book so it has more validity! 🙂
Kali Shanti Park says
well you gotta love your openness Shannon. *blush*
But I agree with your theory.
Jessica Marie Miller says
one of mine and Joel’s little quotes that proves true for me especially is:
sex begets sex
I couldn’t agree more, Shannon.
I think one of the keys is keeping in mind that your world isn’t just yours…you share and YOU are the beauty your husband adores…why not let him enjoy it more than a few times per month? It is sometimes just jumping off that diving board when you’d rather just stay in your sweats…
Love it, Shannon! 🙂
Love you more, though!
Keep in touch,
Jess
Christopher Corcoran says
Hooray for honest women!
Anna Davis says
Welcome back, my friend! I agree with your theory. I think the business of our lives can be a definite hinderance to our sexual relationship with our spouse. We do get tired, and burdened with the “life stuff” and our need to relate gets put on the back burner. I have friends who’s husbands travel alot and they say that the “sex light” turns off in their absence. I have experienced that. Maybe it is different for women than men. (Are men’s sex lights ever turned off?). I always thought that is why we take vacations! There is no better sex than vacation sex!!! 🙂
JD says
It is true — use it or lose it. We went thru a long stretch without sex that began with some trust issues. Once those were resolved the process never got back on track. She:
Didn’t like her body
Was going thru menopause
Didn’t want our aware teens to hear us
After months and months of trying to be the understanding patient husband I got tired to trying to scale the wall solo.
Now five years later I no longer crave or want sex. I have gotten used to life without it. But suddenly she wants to again and I’m supposed to take the lead.
Pardon me — but screw that.
Maggie says
My husband has been a good one to help me overcome or “get back on the sex wagon” when we’ve been less intimate-regardless of the reason.
If I am resistant, all he has to do is remind me that I really do enjoy it once we “get going”.
So, yes, I completely agree.
I have through the years, needed that reminder many times because of not being so great at “turning off” the cares of life in order to enjoy my husband.
More kudos to you Shannon for breaking free and putting this “taboo” subject in the light!
Sammie says
Wow, Go the openess it is totally encouraging to read ur blog and to know that everything i am experiencing as a newly married women is not experienced alone 😛
I also strongly agree with your point a 100% and i can tell when i start to fall into that “na i aint in the mood” kind of thinking. what gets me out of it is the look on my husbands face when ever i say it, its like “aww but i have been looking forward to being close to you all day, i love and miss u and u just want to sleep” even tho he is saying “its ok”. plus once u get started its great and i think why do i ever say no?