Moving Beyond The “Missionary Position” – Part 3

…continued

 

“Your Kiss is on My List of the Best Things in Life!” (Darryl Hall & John Oates, 1980)
Do you want my personal translation of my husbands second response, “When you kiss me – I mean really kiss me?” He was saying, “I don’t just want a ‘peck’ kiss in passing, or a ‘Have a great day!’ kiss at the door. I want one of your passion-filled kisses – one that leaves me weak in the knees and feeling like a real man!”
There’s something very magical about a kiss. It’s the most basic element in any love story we’ve ever read or watched – a moment when sparks fly and hearts soar in celebration of mutual attraction! Don’t you remember longing for some special guy to kiss you? Or how much we daydreamed about the wonderful kiss we’d receive from our husbands at the altar? Or the kind of wild, indulgent kisses we’d enjoy with reckless abandon on our honeymoon? Yeah. Wonderful, wet, “I want you now!” kisses.

While the desire to be kissed can be temporarily satisfied, does the longing to have someone in our lives who wants to kiss us ever disappear? I think not. This is true for your husband as well. He doesn’t just need an occasional peck on the cheek or “mother” kiss that says, “I love you, Honey.” He craves a deeply sensual kiss that passionately screams, “I’m deliriously turned on by you, Sir!”    

Maybe you’re thinking that you’ve lost your appetite for such kisses because you don’t necessarily like the way your husband does it. Well, you’re only as good as the person you are with, and if he doesn’t kiss all that great in your opinion, it’s because you haven’t taught him what you like! Perhaps his technique is too sloppy, or too stiff, or too wet, or maybe it’s his breath that leaves something to be desired. It’s okay to communicate your preferences, as long as you do it carefully and constructively. “I hate the way you kiss!” or “Why can’t you kiss me more like so-and-so?” would not be the best way to approach the topic. Instead, try something like, “I love it when you kiss me, but if you would try not to salivate quite as much, I’d want to kiss you even more often!” or “Fresh breath kisses really turn me on!”
If your displeasure is a matter of how he moves his lips and tongue when he kisses you, try this experiment. Tell him you are going to kiss him, and you want him to directly imitate only what you are doing, exactly the way you are doing it – same movement, same pressure, same intensity, etc.” Then model the exact kiss that would sweep you off your feet so that he’ll know how you like to be kissed. Offer him the same experience so that you’re in the learning seat. He may enjoy a completely different kind of kiss, so be cooperative and play by both sets of kissing rules on occasion.
Finally, don’t be stingy with sensual kisses, reserving them strictly as immediate foreplay to sexual activity. Like Clark Gable said to Scarlet O’Hara in Gone With the Wind, “You need to be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how!” Both you and your husband need to be kissed often. I encourage couples to kiss several times throughout the day, but at least once each day for a minimum of 10-15 seconds. This is easier than you think. Stop him in the hallway and press your soft lips against his for no reason at all. Meet him in the backyard while he’s barbecuing just to plant a big juicy one on him. Step into his office, close the door, and kiss him in such a way that he’ll be blushing next time he faces his coworkers. And that kiss will most likely leave him wanting more…


to be continued…

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Excerpted from The Sexually Confident Wife: Connecting with Your Husband Mind*Body*Heart*Spirit by Shannon Ethridge. Copyright 2008.  All Rights Reserved. Published by Random House Inc, New York, NY. Used by Permission. Not to be copied without Publisher’s prior written approval.