My husband almost made me cry the other night — tears of joy, that is. After wearing the same pair of jeans far too often because none of the rest in my closet fit right or look that great, I finally broke down and went shopping for new ones. I’d honestly rather have a root canal or Chinese water torture than shop for blue jeans or bathing suits. Some of you can feel my pain, I know.
After trying on over 20 pair (no exaggeration), I finally purchased a couple, which still didn’t excite me, but these were the lesser of the evils. I go home rather bummed about my apple-shaped body, and how my muffin-top waistline got a little out of control while we were traveling the past month.
But that night, as I was making love to my husband… lights on… covers off… me on top in all of my slightly pudgy glory… my husband visually scanned me up and down, rolled his eyes back in his head, and in all sincerity declared, “Oh, THANK YOU, GOD for a GORGEOUS WIFE!”
(and now we interupt this blog for a gratuitious disclaimer benefitting the slightly faint of heart… sorry to be so blunt, but understand this wasn’t a “missionary position in the dark” type of encounter. He was REALLY looking at me, not just visualizing what I must look like under the covers. And as my friend Nicole says, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those that mind don’t matter, and those that matter don’t mind.” Hope you didn’t mind my honestly. Now back to my point…)
Yes, I wanted to cry. But I just smothered him with kisses instead.
Guys, if you are reading this, realize how much your wife NEEDS to know that you think she’s sexy — not because she’s a size 4 or looks like Angelina Jolie, but simply because she’s a Sexually Confident Wife who freely shares her body with you and no one else.
Gals, if you’re reading this, not even Angelina Jolie looks like her pictures on silver screens and magazines. Get over yourself and get naked. Even get on top so your husband can drink your beautiful body in through his eyes. Don’t waste another minute moping about what you look like — enjoy your body for the incredible pleasure it provides both you and your husband.
Wishing you the BEST sex,
Lacey Souders says
Um, wow! I literally printed this out and put it with my devotional book on my nightstand as something to attain to – being sexually confident all the time! I consider myself more sexually confident than many women I know, but i have not had as much practice as you have! I love reading your blogs and visiting your websites because i feel like I have entered into a world where I do not have to be embarrassed or ashamed of how I feel about sex or how much I like it or how I think it can and should always be enjoyed by both partners! Thank you for making a world where women like me feel safe to be who we are, express ourselves, and learn from one of the best!
Rachael Red Balk says
wow, I literally stumbled on this and must say I laughed OUT LOUD (after the immediate blush faded). I am so looking forward to being married someday, but I have to admit this is a HUGE insecurity in my life. I am glad to know there is hope that I will not just be adored for who I am but that there may actually be a man who finds my muffin-top sexy. haha I appreciate your honesty and look forward to seeking your wisdom- especially when I am married.
Madeleine Breeden says
I giggled too (I am immature and single). But I am very happy to have read your note; a lot of times I analyze my flaws- flabby thighs!!!- and I worry about what my future husband will think/say. Thank you for this encouragement. 🙂 God bless your marriage
Bridget Ervasti says
Oh goodness. You’re most certainly right. But sometimes it’s easier said than done. Sometimes I think we ladies need to just give ourselves a little push (like you said) and jump right into the water. Because once we do, we won’t look back. My huband is the same way and I think a lot of men are… they love us for who we are and simply because we’re woman, God’s astounding gift to man, no matter how ugly we THINK we look, they think we’re breath-taking.
Sometimes it’s hard to think I’m sexy. I have an 8 month old attached to my hip, I’m in nursing school, and I’m trying to care for our home… but no matter how crummy I look or feel, my husband still finds me most attractive. What a blessing! Now I just think we need to just listen and believe what these men are telling us… and stop listening to our own over critical hearts. We’re beautiful, and it’s for the glory of God! Thanks for being vulnerable!
Melody Anderson says
I don’t know how but my husband thinks my “rolls” are sexy….he has to be crazy! That is the blessing and beauty of a marriage. I have gained about 15ish lbs since being married…and honestly, I feel sexier now than 8 months ago when I was first married. I need to go jean shopping, but I so don’t want to….! I never thought I….me….myself could be sexy….but I am trying to embrace the way that my husband thinks of me…..BEAUTIFUL and darn sexy! My husband is my mirror, and I am so blessed to have a husband who loves ALL of me! Thanks Shannon for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I love reading your blogs.
Laura Taff says
wow! I keep writing that. This is a goal for me. Sex is usually lights off and under the covers. I really really want to get to this place for my husbands sake, and mine.
Jenni Penar says
I LOVE YOUR HONESTY! My husband does the same thing all the time, and I’ve often felt too unhappy with my body to just enjoy the compliment and bask in his love. I have been trying to change my thinking about this. It’s a tough road.
I’ve ordered your book and am eagerly awaiting it’s arrival. Thank you for being the bold, honest, witty, and graceful woman that you are!
gina D. says
I think doing this must be a lot easier for those who are ‘slightly pudgy’ (read: not really fat). My husband says he loves me, which I believe. What I don’t believe, however, is that he finds me attractive. I’m trying to lose weight, but it’s excruciatingly difficult. But until I do, I’m skipping the ‘body image’ portion of your book. I think the rest of the book is great, so far.
Shannon Ethridge says
Glad you’re enjoying the book so far, but I encourage you, even if you weigh 450 pounds, DON’T skip over the body image chapter, girlfriend! Sexual confidence really is your right no matter your size or shape, so don’t wait for a magic number on the scale before you give yourself permission to embrace that truth!
Lifting you in prayer for courage and confidence,
Vicki H. says
I think these comments are great. However, has no one written in who thinks their husband does not find them very attractive? I think I am fairly sexually confident, but since having my third baby, I have become less and less so. My husband does not seem very interested in having sex with me and certainly does not seem to be turned on by my body. We get along well, are nice to each other, and try to spend time together, but his lack of interest in my body has started to give me a complex. I know he would like it if my breasts were larger, my tummy firmer, and my butt perkier. But, this is my God-given body, so what do I do? He is definitely a sex-in-the-dark kind of guy and I definitely am not. I am trying to stay upbeat and optimistic. I love this man very much. Any one else have similar experiences?