Pink Thing #2: Is it normal that I prefer to fake it rather than exert the necessary energy to experience orgasm?
With multiple studies quoting anywhere from 50% to 70% of women faking orgasm, I’d have to say this is normal. But just because something is normal doesn’t make it healthy. For example, it’s normal (commonplace) for Americans to consume massive amounts of junk food during the course of a year, but it’s not the best choice. It’s a far better choice to grocery shop for nutritious food and prepare it in healthy ways. Yes, it takes more time and energy, but it’s a worthy investment. I’d have to say the same about orgasm. It may take longer to experience the real deal versus just faking it and getting it over with. But you rob yourself of ultimate pleasure and sexual confidence by faking it, and you rob your partner of the fulfillment that comes from pleasing your spouse to the point of orgasm. Oh sure, you can lie to him. You can tell him what you think he wants to hear. But there are no shortcuts to genuine sexual and marital intimacy. I recommend you be honest about your fears, hang-ups, or anything else that may be hindering a true orgasmic experience. Invite him to partner with you to help you overcome this mental obstacle. And if the obstacle is more physical than mental, there’s help in the next chapter.
Pink Thing #3: Is it normal for me to break down and cry or break out in laughter after experiencing orgasm?
Earlier we talked about how men often collapse in exhaustion after making love, because sex is such an intense physical release for a man. Falling asleep immediately afterward is a common physiological response to physical exhaustion. For a woman, however, sex can create an intense emotional release. And what is the common physiological response to emotional exhaustion? Sometimes, it’s tears, even though she doesn’t know why she’s crying. There’s nothing particularly wrong. She’s not hurting or angry. Yet tears flow freely down her cheeks. These tears are an outward sign of an inward truth — that something has touched her heart in a deep, penetrating way. Consider these tears of passion and celebrate the fact that you are so in touch with your feelings.
Other times, a woman’s response to the emotional release that sexual intercourse and orgasm provide is laughter – pure, unadulterated, hysterical laughter. This, too, is perfectly normal, and an outward sign of what’s taken place on the inside. Sexual intimacy should elicit great joy, and it’s okay to let that show. Just make sure your husband understands that you are laughing with him, not at him!
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Excerpted from The Sexually Confident Wife: Connecting with Your Husband Mind*Body*Heart*Spirit by Shannon Ethridge. Copyright 2008. All Rights Reserved. Published by Random House Inc, New York, NY. Used by Permission. Not to be copied without Publisher’s prior written approval.