What If I Think I Married the Wrong Person? Part 1

When my children were much younger, they’d often come home from school spouting all kinds of information about who did what to whom, and for what reason, and the resulting consequences, and other people’s responses to those consequences, etc., etc. Knowing that kids are very capable of spinning quite colorful tales, I’d usually feel the need to ask, “And how do you know all of this?” Sometimes the source was quite credible, such as a teacher or other parent. Other times, say if the story came from another child, I’d have to explain that, before you believe anything, you must always “consider the source.”

Indeed, the source of any information must always be considered, even if that information is coming from inside our own selves. When people say, “My heart is telling me . . . ” a red flag usually starts waving in my mind. As a life coach, I want to start asking all kinds of clarifying questions to make sure that their hearts aren’t about to mislead them entirely!

It’s not that I don’t think people should follow their hearts — that is, after all, where Christ dwells when we invite Him to be Lord of our lives, and no decision should be made in life without consulting “our heart” on the matter. However, if we’re honest, our hearts simply can’t be trusted as the final authority on many things — especially a marriage relationship! It’s simply not a reliable source of information!

Jeremiah 17:9 warns, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (NIV). In other words, sometimes our hearts tell us to do something that doesn’t mesh with what other (wiser) folks believe we should do. In fact, if we don’t seek the counsel of others, and especially of the Holy Spirit, our hearts can lead us way off course in life! Why? Because our hearts are usually in pursuit of one thing — personal happiness –– both in life and in marriage.

Notice how in the very next verse, God assures us that, “I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve” (Jeremiah 17:10 NIV). In other words, God is really the only one who can recognize what’s truly operating in our hearts. He is the best “emotional expert” to help us discern what we’re feeling, why we’re feeling that way, and the best course of action in moving forward.

If you’ve experienced the “What if my heart is telling me I married the wrong person?” question lately (and most humans admit entertaining this thought at various times in their marriage), I encourage you to consider this:

Your heart may be telling you to jump ship, but what is the Lord telling you to do? The reason I ask is because of a precious principle I learned from a phenomenal book called The Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. He theorizes that marriage isn’t ultimately about our happiness — it’s about our holiness.(i) It’s about our willingness to let God use our presence in one another’s lives to create a more Christ-like character, to lovingly challenge each other, to purify our motives, to create more compassion in our lives, and to spur us on toward love and good deeds (see Hebrews 10:24). A spirit-led marriage simply transforms us both into the man and woman God ultimately wants us to become. There’s no better “refiner’s fire” than the institution of marriage. It turns immature boys and girls into fruitful men and women, and transforms our self-centered natures into servants’ hearts.

I know, I know, being transformed isn’t always fun. It requires work. And energy. And patience. And humility. But do you know what IS fun? Living a transformed life! Enjoying a transformed relationship! Resting in the security of a transformed marriage!

To be continued…

Reference:

Gary Thomas, The Sacred Marriage (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2002).

Excerpted from The Passion Principles: Celebrating Sexual Freedom in Marriage
by Shannon Ethridge. Copyright 2014. All Rights Reserved. Published by W Publishing Group, and imprint of Thomas Nelson, Nashville, TN. Used by Permission. Not to be copied without Publisher’s prior written approval.