Every once in a while I get an email from a reader that I just HAVE to share (with their permission, of course!). Check out this testimony from Elizabeth…
I had a bit of a breakthrough with my husband recently, and I know it’s thanks to your book. Will (my husband) has asked me several times to paint my fingernails, and specifically to paint them red. I’ve never wanted to, and always just declined to do it without really thinking about it.
Well, after reading the book, and asking Will what intimate stuff he’d like me to be more open to, he brought up the red fingernails thing. Immediately I felt my emotions recoiling at the idea, but for the first time, I decided to figure out WHY I didn’t want to do it rather than just decline automatically.
Get this: I realized that the reason I don’t like red fingernails is because the ONLY woman I knew who typically had red fingernails was my maternal grandmother. So in my mind, red fingernails = my bitter, materialistic and emotionally removed Grandma! What a reason to deny my husband an extremely tame fantasy of his pretty wife caressing him with her red fingernails! And I didn’t even KNOW that was the root of my aversion to them! Once I did realize it, I was able to let it go, and I painted them red the very next day and Will has been enjoying them immensely ever since! While I’m not “there” yet as far as feeling sexy about them, I certainly like what the do to my husband, so we’ve found common ground.
I’m now looking more deliberately at why I do or don’t do certain things sexually. I’m trying to look at the things I’m uncomfortable with from a removed, analytical perspective, and it’s helping me to examine where I’ve gotten some of my “sexual beliefs” over the years. In doing that, I am finding that once I put aside prior bad experiences (childhood molestation, etc) that happen to involve a certain sexual act, and put that act in the context of loving marital intimacy with my husband, some of them have actually been appealing to me for the first time in my married life.
As far as what Will thinks of all this, I asked him if he’s noticed any differences in me lately, and he said that he’s noticed I’m a lot more forward about sex, and that he likes it, because there is less “hinting around”, which has often only lead to disappointment and confusion.
Anyway, now that I’ve had time to really put some of what I’ve learned from your book in action, I thought you like to know how well it’s going for this couple.
BRAVO, Elizabeth! What an example you are to all of us!
Are there things that float your spouse’s boat that you’ve been hesitant to try, but never really understood where the hesitancy came from? If so, how does Elizabeth’s testimony inspire you?
Wishing you the BEST sex,