1. Admit that Your Sexual Identity Needs Reshaping
Nothing ever gets fixed as long as we deny that it’s broken. Listen to your life. Hear what your soul is trying to say. Let your sexual choices and feelings guide you into a greater level of wisdom and self-understanding. It’s okay to feel sexually broken or to have soul ties that still need cutting. However, it’s not okay to stay there, ignoring your need for healing and freedom.
2. Make Your Own List
As painful as the process may be, a comprehensive list of all romantic pursuits and sexual encounters will reveal a great deal. For each partner, ask yourself, “Why did I have sex with him?” or “Why was I romantically involved with that person at all?” Work your way down the list one person at a time, making note of your responses.
3. Identify the Theme
Once your list is made, take an honest look at the big picture. What common themes become evident? What do most of these men (or women) have in common? What does that tell you?
4. Learn the Lesson
Based on what you’ve learned so far, what revelations are you able to receive? Do you recognize what it is that you’ve really been looking for? What area of neediness have you been trying to satisfy through dysfunctional relationships?
How has that worked for you?
5. Forgive Others
While it’s easy to throw a stone at all of the people on our list for using or abusing us, we have to recognize that in many instances, we’ve taught them how to treat us. It takes two to tango, and we all play a part in the dance of dysfunction. A healthy woman wouldn’t have fallen prey to an unhealthy man’s schemes. Ignoring our part and harboring resentment toward him for his part is like you drinking poison while hoping he dies. Such bitterness does you no good. Do yourself a favor. Forgive the people on your list. Declare that they don’t owe you anything. Acknowledge that they were most likely in the same boat as you – seeking to medicate their own emotional pain while clueless as to what damage was really being done.