6. Sexual fantasies provide a road map to the sexual fulfillment we crave. False.
It’s easy to assume that fantasies must be a roadmap to future fulfillment. If ________ is what I think about, dream about, fantasize about – well, it must be what I want! If it feels that good in the fantasy, I can only imagine how good it’s going to feel in reality!
Yet, many have learned (some the hard way) that most fantasies are better left as fantasy – not reality! In fact, some of the fantasizing we do is merely to medicate the emotional pain we’ve caused ourselves by acting out on previous fantasies! What a vicious cycle! As they say in the recovery movement, “The definition of insanity is trying the same thing… over and over… expecting different results this time!”
This reminds me of a cartoon that I saw in Robin Norwood’s book, Daily Meditations for Women Who Love Too Much. In the cartoon, a woman is on her hands and knees on the sidewalk, underneath a street light at night. A police officer approaches and asks, “What are you looking for?”
“My keys,” the woman replies.
“Is this where you lost them?” the officer insightfully inquires.
The woman responds, “No, but it’s the only place I can see to look.”
Sometimes we think our sexual fantasies are the only place where we can find the fulfillment we crave, because it’s the only place we can see to look. But sexual fantasy is not an accurate road map for discovering what we want in the present or future. It is, however, an excellent road map into the past!
Why would we want to go there? So that we can recognize and heal the unresolved pain that often drives us to do some pretty stupid things. Only then can we fully integrate our sexual fantasies and our Christian faith, and become the women, men, wives, husbands, moms, and dads that God created us to be.