In his book “The Truth About Cheating,” marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman surveyed 200 husbands to discover the real reasons why they cheat on their wives. Not surprisingly, 48% of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they were unfaithful.
I toss this statistic out there as a vivid reminder — sexual needs aren’t all that we need to pay attention to when it comes to keeping our man happy. We also need to be aware of his emotional needs. Yep, men have them too! For example, one of our friends lamented when I was writing The Sexually Confident Wife:
Why is it that women think they can be rude, demanding, and disrespectful to their husbands, then expect that everything should function normally in bed? When my wife rides me all evening about how I don’t help out enough in the house or with the kids, or how I don’t bring home enough money for her to pay all the bills, or how I don’t pay her enough attention or meet her emotional needs, the last thing I want to do is cuddle up next to her and make love.
Think about it. If a man treated a woman harshly during the day, would she be eager to let him touch her that night? Not a chance. This dynamic works both ways. Sometimes a woman expects that her husband’s heart and penis should be made of steel, built to withstand the most disappointing and frustrating of relational dynamics. But he’s no robot. He’s a human being with feelings and emotions, and he needs to be somewhat affirmed in order to feel aroused.
So while it’s easy for women to whine, “You don’t meet my emotional needs!,” let’s press the pause button and ask ourselves, “When was the last time I focused on meeting HIS emotional needs?”
As I’m getting ready to fly out of town tomorrow, I’m going to go write Greg a sweet love note and tuck it under his pillow before I leave. What are YOU going to do this weekend to refuel that lovin’ feeling in your husband’s heart? Tell us so we can be even more inspired to keep the homefires burning!
Wishing you a warm heart toward your hubby,
I was out of town this week too. The night before I left I made sure he went to sleep with a smile on his face and then after he went to work I left a little love note by the bed. Just to get him anxious to have me home I left a little black nightie on his pillow so he would find it at bed time. He enjoyed that, and we had a great time when I got home from the trip 🙂
Just have to say, I love this blog and the book was pretty awesome too!
You are right that we have to take care of our husbands emotional needs as well. My man and I have a wonderful game we play all the time. Text flirting is a normal part of our day. We rarely go more than an hour or two without leaving some sort of “I want you” text. That and we still cuddle on the couch when we watch tv… even after 15 years of marriage. Simple things maybe but they make a huge difference.
Thank You for blogging Shannon!
My husband I have been struggling with this very thing for some time. Now that I am aware of the way I am inhibiting his desire with my words, I can begin to work on building him up instead of frustrating him.
Thank you for all of your work with women in the marriage bed and beyond!