In this blog series, I’m giving you a “sneak peek” into my “Reader Mailbag” – sharing actual questions I’ve received from (and answers I’ve shared with) folks who struggle over “Real Relationship” issues – just like you and me!
I hope the series is both eye-opening and edifying! And if YOU have a question you’d like to see answered, send it our way! You can email me directly at firstname.lastname@example.org
When He Has a Headache
“My husband doesn’t seem to be interested in having sex very often any more. What’s wrong?
Depressed male libido has become a commonly reported issue. Several explanations are possible:
a) As a man enters his forties, fifties, and beyond, his sexual libido often declines, but it doesn’t usually diminish altogether. If he isn’t old enough for Medicare, this probably isn’t the only issue.
b) Women aren’t the only ones who need to feel safe, secure, and emotionally connected to feel sexually aroused. So do men. If a wife repeatedly rejects or criticizes her husband, she will extinguish his flame, and it takes more than simply offering sex to re-light his fire. Offer unconditional love and acceptance first. Draw his heart toward you, and his body will naturally follow.
c) Has your appearance changed significantly? While it’s painful to consider that our looks, hygiene, or frumpy wardrobe may be diminishing a husband’s sex drive, God created males to be visually stimulated. Most men’s sexual appetite is very much tied to the images he takes in through his eyes. That doesn’t mean wives have to look like Barbie dolls or supermodels, but we can’t let ourselves go either. Striving to look better (regardless of your size, shape, or age) will also help you feel better.
d) He may be receiving sexual release through pornography and masturbation, or through an affair. If such a confession or discovery is made, seek counseling together. If he’s unwilling, seek counseling on your own. You need help sorting through feelings and examining response options.
If none of these explains your husband’s disinterest in sex, he could be experiencing a hormonal imbalance, poor testosterone production, or erectile dysfunction. Encourage him to see a doctor about his diminished sex drive, and to find out about any drugs that may help remedy the problem, especially if the lack of sex is becoming an issue for either of you.
Every Heart Restored: A Wife’s Guide to Healing in the Wake of a Husband’s Sexual Sin by Fred Stoeker and Stephen Arterburn (click here to order)
The Sexual Man: Masculinity Without Guilt by Archibald Heart (Word Publishing)
Getting the Love You Want by Dr. Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. (Owl Books)