In this blog series, I’m giving you a “sneak peek” into my “Reader Mailbag” – sharing actual questions I’ve received from (and answers I’ve shared with) folks who struggle over “Real Relationship” issues – just like you and me!
I hope the series is both eye-opening and edifying! And if YOU have a question you’d like to see answered, send it our way! You can email me directly at firstname.lastname@example.org
Behind Closed Doors
“I’m nervous about having sex with my husband because I’m afraid the kids will know or walk in on us. My husband says I need to ‘get over it.’ I know he’s right, but how do I do that?
Getting over our fears and getting naked when children are in the house can be a challenge. But what are we really afraid of? That we’ll set a bad example? I believe the reverse is true. By giving the impression that sex is completely absent from our relationship, we set the next generation up to struggle with sexuality in their own marriage.
For example, Patricia confided, “When I was growing up, I would have sworn that my parents never had sex. There was no inkling of any sexual desire between them. No hand holding. No romantic dates. No locked bedroom doors or DO NOT DISTURB signs. I always knew they loved each other, but I figured making love was surely another matter. And because I couldn’t picture my mother as a sexual woman, I couldn’t view myself as a sexual female either.” Patricia went on to say that her marriage suffered greatly and ended in divorce due to their lack of intimacy — not the kind of legacy we want to pass on to our children!
As soon as our kids could understand simple instructions, we’d occasionally pop in a 30-minute movie and say, “Mommy and Daddy are going to our room. Don’t knock unless there is blood or vomit, okay?” Now in their teens, our children say they want a marriage like ours someday, which is music to our ears.
Be a positive role model for healthy sexuality. How? By loving your husband with great passion. And locking the bedroom door behind you so he can love you with great passion, too!
The Sexually Confident Wife (click here to order)
A Celebration of Sex by Doug Rosenau (Thomas Nelson Publishers)