It’s been making headlines in the media a lot lately — special emphasis on how important it is for married couples to have frequent sex. I completely agree, but is it possible to focus so much on quantity that we forget the importance of quality in our sexual relationship?
I’m all about quickies whenever necessary and squeezing in time for squeezing each other in passing.But if that’s all there is – a focus strictly on the physical release and little attention to emotional connection — a woman can begin to feel like nothing more than a sexual rag doll or vending machine. For women to survive off of that is like trying to survive off of a diet of candy bars.They can fill you up, and even satisfy you to an extent, but do they ultimately nourish your soul and your relationship to the fullest extent?Every once in a while we need a good “steak dinner” sexual experience rather than a “candy bar” sexual experience.
Ladies and gentlemen, I want to challenge you – what can you do to set the table for a quality sexual experience?For example, when our kids were younger we had “fish stick and tater tot night” where the kids went to grandmas for fish sticks and tater tots while we went back home and took advantage of two hours to just lay around naked, talk about stuff we couldn’t talk about with young children around, and indulge in leisurely sex. Now that our kids are older, we enjoy “youth group night” where our teens go to church on Wednesday night and we go into the “upper room” (our master bedroom) for a quiet evening together.
If you don’t have a game plan for a few quality sexual experiences in the coming weeks and months, develop one as a Christmas present to your beloved spouse.And as a Christmas present to us, share your idea so we can be inspired in our marriages as well!
Wishing you the BEST sex,
Shannon
Who Am I says
Light candles in bedroom. Lay out 2 or three choices of lingerie for her to chose from. Adjust the heat in the house. Put on relaxing music. Give her a back rub and talk to her until she is ready for something more.
Who am I says
While we are on this them of quantity vs. quality,I wanted to mention some other resources I know about.
One was the 30 day Sex Challenge by http://www.relevantchurch.com. The pastor challenged married couples to make love 30 days in a row, but it went much deeper than that. There was a daily discussion guide that went with it. Each day you discussed some topic that helped grow your relationship.
My wife wasn’t willing to commit for 30 days of sex, but we did do the study, our relationship grew, and our sex life improved.
There is a book out called 365 Nights, by Muller.
The author decided to give her husband a huge surprise and blessing for his 40th birthday- 365 nights of sex. At first he was reluctant to accept for fear she was overcommitting. Eventually, he did accept. The book tells the story of their ups and downs and how their relationship grew. Now that the year is over they are back to a more normal sex life, but feel alot closer.
The Mullers are Christians, I have been browse reading the book at Barnes and Noble.
The other book out lately that I have also been browse reading is “Just Do It” by Brown. It is more of a secular book and a little more explicit.
The husband is a writer, and if I remember correctly had been to some convention where people were joking about the club you didn’t want to be in “100 nights of no sex.” He got home and told his wife, and I believe it was she who said, mostly on a lark- let’s see if we can reverse that and go 100 days having sex plus one day for good measure to make it 101 days.
They concluded that their marriage really grew with the daily committment. One interesting thing they tried that I don’t agree with, was incorporating pornagraphy. The hugely encouraging thing was that they concluded was that pornagraphy was not satisfying.
So in conclusion, I think in all four resources that I have mentioned that even though there was some focus on quantity of sex, that behind the scenes alot of other issues were dealt with, and relationships grew.
Sounds like there is almost always going to be and ebb in flow in even good relationships between quantity and quality, and that long term quantity is only enjoyable if other things are happening properly.
Who Am I says
I have been pondering- is it really an either/or choice between quantity and quality?
I have noticed some of the posters on http://www.TheMarriageBed.com who talk most about actually having high quantities of sex, seem to have such a passion for their spouse in many areas of life, and often seem very quick to try to get back on track when the relationship gets off kilter.
The three resources in my prior post plus Ed Young’s 7 Day Sex Challenge- in different ways mentioned the importance of really working on your relationship if you were going to have daily sex for a season.
I think Shannon is right that quantity without quality, can become bad news. I also think that with conscious effort and Christ’s help, that quantity and quality can be maintained- although I can not say this from long term experience.