The previous blog about “Trent’s dilemma” has sparked an interesting question from yet another husband:
Imagine you were at a conference and a man like Trent comes up to you with his wife and says, “I really like what you are saying, but my wife and I just have a huge gap in our sexual desires.” You can tell that the wife is not too thrilled. What would you say to that couple, to really inspire her to become a Sexually Confident Wife, and for him to hold onto hope and his morals until she does?
Unfortunately, I don’t think there’s a single sentence or even a paragraph in the world that would magically move a woman from one end of the spectrum to the other on the scale of sexual confidence, but I’d love for all of us ladies to offer these male readers some advice. What are some things that a husband can do to INSPIRE our sexual confidence rather than REQUIRE it? Or what are some things that he subconsciously does that kills our confidence? For example…
Intimacy BUSTERS might be:
· Forgeting to take out the trash even after we’ve asked you repeatedly (we know you’re only human and forget things on occasion, but it translates as, “I don’t really want to put forth the effort to serve you.”) Therefore, we’re not so inspired to put forth the effort to serve his needs, either.
· Expecting sex after you’ve had your head in the television all night (which often translates as, “I’d rather vegetate here on the couch than talk to you.”) Therefore, we’d rather drift off to sleep on our pillow than to have sex with you.
Intimacy BOOSTERS might be:
· Grab a bottle of lotion and say, “You’ve been on your feet a lot lately. Would you like a foot massage?” When my husband offers a foot rub, letting him work his way up with that lotion doesn’t seem like such a bad idea at all.
· Call during the mid-afternoon craziness hours and suggest, “We deserve a break tonight. If I picked dinner up on my way home, could we tuck the kids in early and have dessert by candlelight in our room?” Ministering to her needs like that may have her eating out of the palm of your hand!
Other ideas, Ladies?
What does your husband do or say that makes you put up a wall?
What do you wish he’d do to help you tear down that wall and build a bridge instead?
The sky is the limit — DREAM BIG! Let’s help men understand what we REALLY want and need in order to become the Sexually Confident Wives they dream of having.
Wishing you lots of creativity,