Hooking Up vs. Holding Out:
Helping Singles Find a Healthy Sexual Balance
(Part 7 of 7)

Drawing Boundary Lines

It’s important for a couple to be honest with one another about their sexual history (particularly a history that involves sexual abuse, addictions, sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancies, and/or abortions).  However, certain boundary lines need to be drawn so that “new trauma” isn’t created during these conversations.  For example, certain details such as (1) the identity of previous sexual partners, (2) specific sexual acts previously engaged in, and (3) specific places where those acts took place – none of these serve any purpose other than as painful reminders of a spouse’s sexual misconduct.  Rather than focusing on the “who, what, & where” of a person’s sexual history, focus on the lessons learned during those seasons, what their healing process has looked like since, and how the spouse-to-be can support them in their continued growth and maturing process.

As I explain to couples, you can’t have genuine sexual intimacy without genuine sexual integrity!  A sexually healthy couple is comprised of two sexually healthy individuals, so encourage both to be honest about any sexual and emotional baggage that may surface during their lifetime together.  By cultivating certain fruits of the Spirit from Galatians 5:22-23 (specifically love, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control), couples can forge a rich, vibrant marital relationship in the future, regardless of what’s in their past.