Hooking Up vs. Holding Out:
Helping Singles Find a Healthy Sexual Balance
(Part 6 of 7)

 

Questions to Explore in Pre-Marital Counseling

As spiritual leaders, we must boldly take pre-marital counseling sessions into regions that may cause some discomfort, but the discomfort of an awkward pre-marital conversation is much preferred over the discomfort of a future divorce.  Here’s a list of questions to consider tossing out in pre-marital counseling situations:

1. Have you discussed your sexual histories with one another?
2. If so, what did you learn about each other?  Is there anything that concerns you?
3. If both are virgins, what kind of issues may present themselves after your wedding day?
4. Do you have questions or concerns about healthy sexual expression within marriage?
5. Do you have any guilt, fear, or inhibition about fully engaging in a vibrant sexual relationship with one another once married?
6. How often do you feel it is healthy for a husband or wife to want to engage in sex with their spouse?
7. How often do you suspect you may desire to be sexually intimate?
8. If one of you is a virgin, and the other is not, what kind of issues might you need to be aware of entering into marriage?
9. Do you believe God has forgiven you fully for your sexual misdeeds?  And that God has forgiven your fiancé for the same?
10. Do you believe you have the complete forgiveness of your fiancé?  How do you know?
11. Have you forgiven yourself for any pre-marital mistakes?

Are you committed to communicating honestly with your spouse regarding any and all sexual issues that arise in the future, recognizing that genuine sexual intimacy requires deep levels of trust and open communication?