3. View sex as much more than just a reward for good behavior.
A woman is naturally more prone to initiate physical affection when she is pleased with her husbands’ performance. When he goes above and beyond to help you in the house or make you feel special, or gets a promotion at work, or really goes the extra mile in spending quality time with the kids, it’s easy to want to toss him a cookie.
“I don’t understand why my wife finds ________ such a repulsive act when she seemed more than happy to do that when we were dating. I feel like she pulled the old ‘bait and switch’ trick on me!” Sadly, my husband and I have heard this sentiment expressed on numerous occasions. Women often wield their sexual power by doing anything their boyfriend desires to get them hooked. But after the wedding band goes on her finger, she re-writes the sexual rulebook. By making certain acts against the rules, she is basically saying to her husband, “That’s gross. And you’re gross for wanting to do that. I must have married a pervert.” And what does this do to his sexual confidence? Let’s just say that if his feelings were visible and audible, we’d see him wince and hear him yell, “Ouch!”
“Sex is always all about you! It’s never about me and what I want!” While many women may have the right to feel that way, harshly verbalizing such a sentiment isn’t the greatest of aphrodisiacs. A friend once informed her husband that they’d only be having sex when they had the time and energy for them both to reach orgasm. What did this do to their sex life? Quite frankly, it killed it. While they used to have sex at least once each week, it became more like once every six weeks or so, then she admitted to me that it had been six months! When I asked what she was getting out of this little game, she replied, “I’m keeping the score even.”