Let’s consider the unique roles God gave men and women. God designed men as the “progenitors” of the human race. They are wired to ensure the continuation of the generations. How? Through their healthy sex drive! As long as men want sex, babies will be made. And this is a good thing! Hooray for the male sex drive! Hooray for the beautiful babies that result! Hooray for the families formed!
Women, on the other hand, are designed by God as the “nurturers” of the human race. They are wired to ensure that babies grow up to be healthy creatures. How? By caring for their every need. Think mama cat constantly cleaning her kittens. Think mama bear protecting her cubs from any threat of harm. Think mama bird getting up early for the worm so that she can feed the babies in the nest. Moms serve as great “go-to” gals for just about anything their kids need, and this is a good thing as well! Hooray for hands-on, emotionally available moms!
So because men are driven to fulfill their roles through their sex drive, they naturally crave physical connection. And because women are driven to fulfill their roles through their emotional drive, they naturally long to feel relationally and emotionally close to others.
Of course, to be fair, sometimes it’s the husband who craves more emotional connection, or a wife who clamors for more sexual intimacy. Either way, when we compete with one another-holding out until our own needs or desires are met-no one wins. Both the husband and wife lose, and their children often lose too. But if we can learn to celebrate our own unique wiring and the unique wiring of our spouses, we can experience great joy in both the giving and receiving of the fulfillment we both crave.
Passion Principle Questions
- What is your idea of “connection” in marriage?
- On a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being far apart, and 10 being closely connected) how would you rate your connection during this current season of life?
- Describe a season of marriage when you felt most connected.
- Specifically, what do you need from your spouse in order to feel more closely connected to him or her?
PRAYER: God, show us how to grow closer together. Help us to be on the same page sexually and emotionally