Psychology tells us that all sexual fantasy is “safe,” and by that I simply mean there is no risk for sexually transmitted infections, no chance of unplanned pregnancy, and no awkward “Will he/she still respect me in the morning?” insecurities.

However, an understanding of how God intends for husbands and wives to relate to one another sexually tells us that sexual fantasy can be too safe. When we rely on fantasy rather than putting forth the effort to connect with another human being, we can easily forget how to risk, how to be real, how to be vulnerable, and how to love. We can too easily withdraw into ourselves, creating a relational vacuum that only leaves us lonely, isolated, and ultimately depressed. Therefore, drawing boundary lines between appropriate and inappropriate fantasies is vital to the health and vitality of our relationships.

Perhaps you are wondering, What if some of my own fantasies fall into unsafe or inappropriate categories? What then? Don’t panic. The goal of [my writing] isn’t to judge you, “keep score” of your mental activities, or even call “out of bounds” on you. The goal is to help you dive deeper into the rich symbolism behind your fantasies so that you’ll be better equipped to face them and “win” rather than feel defeated by them.