“Enchantment” with another human being is merely illusion, fantasy, wishful thinking, and misdirected projections.

 

Disenchantment, however, is the process of embracing an empowering reality. It’s coming up to the surface of the water to get our bearings rather than swimming around in circles, thinking we’re heading for home when we’re really lost at sea.

 

What we often desperately search for in others, we already possess in God and in ourselves. Because God loves us, we can learn to love ourselves and others. Because God comforts us, we can comfort ourselves and others. Because God provides for our every need, we’re able to stand on our own two feet and help others do the same. We can see someone who “fits our mold,” and instead of drawing them into our emotional void and making an idol out of them, we can simply sit with that feeling. We can let the feelings swirling around inside us become inspiration for praise -“Thank you, Lord, for making such fine art!”- and choose to worship the Creator rather than the creation.

 

Embracing “disenchantment” with humans and “enchantment” with God alone allows us to grow up, put on our big-girl panties or our big-boy boxers, and be the responsible, spiritually mature adults that God created us to be. Instead of fantasizing about another person meeting all of our needs and bartering with our bodies for the attention and affection we crave, we’re able to pay attention to the genuine needs of others and express affection toward our loved ones in healthy, holy ways.