I was doing some interviews in Chicago last week, and while getting ready in my hotel room I saw a segment on FOX News that shocked me (which is almost impossible to do — ask my friends). There’s actually a company that advertises, “Life is short. Have an affair.” It’s for a website where married people can seek other married people who are simply interested in having a one night stand or develop a sexual outlet outside of their marriage relationship. Sadly, there are millions of subscribers.
The anchor person asked, “Don’t you feel bad at the end of the day?” to which the interviewee replied, “We think we’re providing a much needed service. Instead of seeking out a prostitute or lying to someone about your marital status, we allow you to simply connect with other like-minded individuals in such a way that both of you get your needs met.” I thought, Gee, what a humanitarian you are (not!).
While you might think that extramarital affairs are a symptom of too much sexual confidence, I think the opposite is true. I believe affairs are an indicator that you no longer have sexual confidence at all, especially with your marriage partner.
We’ve got to keep the home fires burning to keep our (and our husband’s) sexual confidence level high – not look elsewhere. The Sexually Confident Wife will help you do just that!
What are your thoughts? Does an extramarital affair mean that a person is sexually confident, or that they lack sexual confidence? And what effect do you think an extramarital affair has on a person’s sexual confidence after the affair is over?
Milana R. Dwire says
I think having an extramarital affair or the thought of it is simply discontentment. Sex is an act. I believe to get to that point you have forgetten some VERY important facts about life and marriage. I think no matter your view an affair screws things up. You were created to be with one person and with that person you are one(through the gift God meant for us to give to that ONE). I think involving yourself in an affair or swinging situation you leave yourself open for identity crises’ and deep scars that may take awhile to recognize. I think it could leave the other to feel as though they are not good enough and I think it can emotionally stunt a relationship.
This is an interesting post! I have heard of swingers before but nothing so nonchalant like this service. It’s scary. Especially for those of us who are still single and trying to find someone with morals and beliefs in a world that calls that intolerance.
Mariam N says
That is so crazy! what is the world coming to? I am not married but one thing I do know is that just like we belong to christ and he is our bridegroom, we must remain faithful to him. And not be having marital affairs with the world. The same I believe goes with marriage that we must be only with that person, emotionally, physically, and so on….but we are not to go and seek out others…that would make the vow that was made before God and others to not matter at all.
Its really scary to think that this is what th world has come to…its scary for me being single to think that there are men thinking like that…that someof them don’t even wear a wedding ring.
Corina Hansen Kojack says
I think that extra maritial affairs are results of total insecurity, in self, in the relationship, and in God’s ability to meet our every need. If we are looking for a sexual “outlet”, we aren’t even willing to develop a healthy, life-giving relationship with our spouse. We are scared to be known, to be loved in spite of our faults, to love another with all of theirs, to forgive when it still hurts. We don’t know ourselves in God, so we are insecure and dissatisfied with life. We know something is wrong, but not quite sure what it is, so we try some “experiements”. Unfortunately, they are dangerous, carcinogenic experiments, leaving us even more empty than when we started. We don’t seek affairs because we have too much sexuality to be contained within one relationship, we seek affairs because we have too much guilt, shame, and emptiness to be held in one heart, so we pass it on to others, increasing our own supply each time.
Tara Hale says
I have to admit, that although I’m married now, and was a virgin when I got married, I sometimes still find the act of sexual intercourse intimidating. The idea of seeking someone else out to perform such a thing with just boggles my mind.
Milana R. Dwire says
I loved what Corna said. . to forgive when it still hurts. . That’s something I whole heartedly. If we waited to forgive someone when the hurt stops we would never be able to forgive. To forgive is a choice and God will take care of healing our pain if we let him. Also when she talked about seeking out someone else because we are insecure, it reminds me of any addiction or substance abuse.
Sex, drugs, drinking, cutting, eating disorders. It’s all a way to run from the pain inside instead of facing it with the Lord. .
Åslaug Skjæveland says
I could just sign Corina’s comment, I agree with it with all of my heart. If one had confidence one wouldn’t have to seek that (perhaps) self-esteem booster it is that “yes, somebody do want me, I’m still attractive” that one can get from an affair, but of course it isn’t a long-lasting booster, and neither is it coming without additional scars and troubles.
But what’s even more scary is that this company accept marital affairs as a fair business, they accept it as normal and good and wants to “help” others to it. I mean, not that I think anyone sincerly think affairs is a good thing, but I know myself how easily it is to be tricked into bad things, just because people say “it’s okay”, it’s SO easy to believe it..
Alex says
I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you down the road!
Alex says
Your blog is interesting!
Keep up the good work!
ARK says
We can all have our opinions about this service and we can try to “figure” out why people that have affairs have them, but what are we going to do to encourage? What can you do that would shine light on those that participate in this service? My guess is that the “church” is just as much involved in the population using this service than anyone else. It just reminds me how we have to be real with one another. That is where true healing comes in…when someone struggling in church feels that there are others that have had the same struggles. What can we do to reach out to those that are simply looking for light not judgement. Many times it happens right under the church steeple…a hurting person feels judged so they run a hundred miles further in the wrong direction. What is that casting crowns song? Think about it!
Lindy says
OMG- I see ads for them all the time on myspace (which generates ads based on your profile, so what’s that say about me? ughh) I hate this- it’s so stupid!!! A sign of the times- a unholy union of immorality and technology!!! I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s disgusted!!!
Kelli says
Good afternoon. This is very ironic. I was going through my e-mails today when I received some spam mail with the same exact thing.It was titled. Unhappily married couples looking for an affair. It also staated that if you would like to have an affair but want to stayed married please respond. I was so upset that such garbage is being promoted that I decided to respond back with my views on this. Even though no one would probably read it, I sent it anyway so that maybe it could reach someone and readjust their morals. I mentioned to them that instead of promoting affairs for unmarried couples why don’t you promote something that will help couples become closer together rather than hurt them.
I look at it like this. The Devil hates families, he hates marriage, he hates a happy, christian marriage. When a marriage has problem the devil rejoices. It’s too bad that these things such as affair clubs, and so forth exist.
With all of the deadly diseases and children born out of wedlock, people will not realize the dangers of fornication and adultery.
I think that we should all get together and pray for this type of activity to go away.
Prayer changes things.
God Bless
teach43 says
Wow! I have curiously checked out these websites, being married for 20 years, it was exciting at first, then you see the big picture down the road. It becomes an addiction and bondage to lustful sin, which opens the door to so many other things! These are all fantasy’s and are not real! Seek you spouse for the needed excitment, trust me, on my road to recovery!
God Bless marriages!