One of the most interesting things is how many MEN seem to have found this website, and are ordering the book for their wives – a gesture which I hope all wives will interpret as something along the lines of, “Gee honey, I love you so much, and I want to connect with you more deeply!” rather than coming to any negative conclusions that he’s just being a selfish pig.
I’m absolutely delighted to be striking a chord with husbands, but it’s the WIVES I’m hoping will really open themselves to the message of The Sexually Confident Wife, or else the term “Desperate Husbands” will become a more popular term than “Desperate Housewives.”
One husband emailed recently asking for advice about how to talk to his wife about a huge struggle in their marriage. “Trent” says:
“The real problem is that I have a much higher sex drive than she does and while she is happy with making love once or twice a week, I deeply desire to be sexually intimate with her far more than that. Not every day, but four or fives times a week is what I really desire. Whenever I make any loving motioning toward intimacy – such as close hugging or even massaging, she immediately withdraws because she thinks that I just want to fulfill my desires and have sex. It has got to the point where anything romantic, even buying flowers, is viewed as a manipulative maneuver to have sex that night. It has now got to the point where she simply refuses to make love more than twice a week and she says I need to gain control of my desires and should be putting my wife first and respecting her needs. I just don’t know what to do…
Sexual intimacy has become such a problem and it is like she has a castle wall built around her – and the gate only gets opened twice a week. So many nights I just lie in bed wanting to make love so much – and knowing that she simply does not want to. I am denied. I don’t want to masturbate. I want to be intimate with my wife, my lover, that God has given to me. She says there is no need for a husband’s sexual desires to met by the wife as regularly as four to fives times a week. I thought that as husband and wife our bodies belonged to each other and that we should fulfill the intimate desires of our spouse – but her desire is not to make love more that twice a week. It is immensely difficult as a man to know how to deal with this, or how to properly channel my desires.”
If anyone has any advice for “Trent,” that’d be great, but I also want to ask you, Ladies, could YOUR OWN husband have written this email? Would he share the same sentiments if given the opportunity to do so anonymously?
I’m not trying to create any paranoia – just encouraging us all (myself included) to realize how important his sexual needs are, and how vital of a role wives play in fulfilling those desires.
Would love to hear your thoughts! (And I’ll bet “Trent” would too!)