3. All fantasy is inappropriate, unhealthy, and sinful. False.
From the time we’re small children, we’re encouraged by our parents and by society to fantasize. “What do you want to be when you grow up?” is one of the most common questions asked a growing kid. How else are they to know if they don’t fantasize about different roles they could play in society? In this context, fantasy is healthy, and even vital to growth! Consider how…
- To fantasize about where we go to college and what we want to study means we’re intelligent.
- To fantasize about getting more out of our careers means that we’re ambitious.
- To fantasize about getting physically fit means that we’re health-conscious.
- To fantasize about getting more out of our sex life… well… that means we must be… lustful… perverted… sick and twisted.
Of course, that last statement is simply not true. It’s normal and healthy to want the most out of your sex life, and sometimes fantasy is the best way to achieve that goal – to envision what you might fight pleasurable, and especially to envision what kind of pleasurable acts you’d enjoy offering to your spouse.
As I was discussing this book idea with respected friends and colleagues, one of the most common questions I’d get is, “Do you think all fantasy is wrong?” So let me just state my position up front. I absolutely do not think that all fantasy is wrong. And those fantasies that do push the envelope beyond what is socially or spiritually acceptable, I believe are most often rooted in childhood trauma or unresolved pain. The goal of this book is to help people examine their sexual fantasies close enough to recognize that root, and invite God to help them heal that pain.
I need your book!! Do I really have to wait 6 months to get it? 🙂 I read the Sexually Confident Wife and am in the middle of Every Woman’s Battle right now. From the ages of 0-16, I was exposed to pornography on a continuous basis through no choice of my own. I am only now (at age 40ish) realizing how much it has messed with my head and my ability to be intimate with my husband. I have been looking everywhere for Christian resources on the subject and they are few and far between. Thanks for tackling these hard topics!