To help you open your eyes to your own struggle for sexual and emotional integrity, I encourage you to take the following quiz.
Are You Engaged in a Battle?
- Is having a man in your life or finding a husband something that dominates your thoughts?
- If you have a man in your life, do you compare him to other men (physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually)?
- Do you often think of what your life will be like after your husband is dead, wondering who the “next man” in your life could be?
- Do you have sexual secrets that you don’t want anyone else to know about?
- Do you feel like a nobody if you don’t have a love interest in your life? Does a romantic relationship give you a sense of identity?
- Do you seem to attract bad or dysfunctional relationships with men?Do men accuse you of being manipulative or controlling?
- Do you feel secretly excited or powerful when you sense that a man finds you attractive?
- Do you have a difficult time responding to your husband’s sexual advances because you feel as if he should meet your needs first?
- Is remaining emotionally or physically faithful to one person a challenge for you?
- Do you often choose your attire in the morning based on the men you will encounter that day?
- Do you find yourself flirting or using sexual innuendos (even if you do not intend to) when conversing with someone you find attractive?
- Do you resent the fact that your husband wants sex more often than you do, or wish that he would just masturbate so that you would not have to perform sexually?
- Do you have to masturbate when you get sexually aroused?
- Do you read romance novels because of the fantasies they evoke within you or because they arouse you sexually?
- Have you ever used premarital or extramarital relationships to “medicate” your emotional pain?
- Is there any area of your sexuality that (1) is not known by your husband, (2) is not approved of by your husband, or (3) does not involve your husband?
- Do you spend more time or energy ministering to the needs of others through church or social activities than you do to your husband’s sexual needs?
- Do you use pornography either alone or with a partner?
- Do you fantasize about being intimate with someone other than your husband?
- Do you have a problem making and maintaining close female friends?
- Do you converse with strangers in Internet chat rooms?
- Have you ever been unable to concentrate on work, school, or the affairs of your household because of thoughts or feelings you are having about someone else?
- Do you think the word victim describes you?
- Do you avoid sex in your marriage because of the spiritual guilt or dirty feeling you experience afterward?
There is no “magic number” that will determine your level of sexual or emotional integrity. However, if reading through these questions has awakened you to the fact that your sexual activity, romantic behavior, or emotional attachments are a hindrance to your spiritual growth or intimacy in marriage, Every Woman’s Battle is designed to help you achieve victory in your area of struggle.
You might also consider attending one of our Women at the Well 4-day Intensive Workshops.
Excerpted from Every Woman’s Battle: Discovering God’s Plan for Sexual and Emotional Fulfillment by Shannon Ethridge. Copyright 2003. All Rights Reserved. Published by WaterBrook Press, Colorado Springs, CO 80921. Used by Permission. Not to be copied without Publisher’s prior written approval.