Instilling Healthy Sexual Values- Part 3


5.  Confidence in Her Sexual Health

When your daughter develops breasts and hips, will she know that her body is preparing to make babies someday?  When she begins menstruating, will she be well-aware of what’s happening?  Will she know about proper feminine hygiene?  How to cope with PMS?  When it comes time for her to enjoy sex within marriage, will she know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there’s no sexually-transmitted disease lurking in her body and waiting to be passed on to her husband?  When it’s time for her to conceive and give birth to her own children, will she have every chance of a smooth pregnancy without struggling with infertility?  Sexual health is a matter that women can’t take lightly, including your daughter.  I’m shocked at how many female college students I talk to who have never had a gynecological visit, even though many have been sexually active for years!  Talk about a dangerous gamble!  But even women who aren’t sexually active need to have routine exams each year beginning at no later than 18 years of age (unless a problem arises before then such as erratic periods or pelvic pain).  Before she goes off to college, Mom, escort her to your OB/GYN for her first pap smear.  Help her establish a good relationship with the doctor she’ll need to visit every twelve months for the rest of her life.  Teach her how to do breast self-exams.  Teach her how to be a sexually healthy woman.
6.  Confidence in Her Sexual Abilities
One of the biggest concerns that leads teens to experiment with pre-mature, unsafe sexual relationships is that they feel as if they must “practice” in order to be a good lover for their spouse someday.  You and I both know that multiple sexual partners doesn’t make you a good lover.  My husband was a virgin when we married.  Basketball legend Magic Johnson had hundreds of sex partners.  Which would be my preferred lover?  That’s a no-brainer.  Did my husband know what to do on our honeymoon night?  Uh-huh!  No complaints from me!  The truth is that sex is something that our bodies do naturally.  You put a naked man and woman in bed together with no rules or regulations, no guidelines or instructions, and it’s amazing how biology takes over and brings them together in such a natural way!  But again, let her know she can ask you questions about how sexual relationships work because you want her to have sexual confidence, even as an abstinent single woman.  Educate her about how both the male and female body responds sexually, clueing her in about things such as erection, ejaculation, clitoral and g-spot orgasm, etc.  Don’t worry that these intimate mother-daughter talks are going to arouse her prematurely.  If she’s not hearing it from you, no telling what she’ll be hearing from someone else on the topic.  Remind her that it takes more sexual confidence to walk away from pre-marital sex than it does to cave in under pressure.  Assure her that she doesn’t need practice having sex before marriage to be a great lover.  Instead, she needs to practice sexual self-control so that all of her sexual power can be unleashed in her husband’s direction come that beautiful honeymoon night!
7.  Confidence in Her Baton-Passing Skills
Whenever I ask an audience to raise their hands if their parents educated them about their sexuality, I’m saddened at the response.  Maybe two or three hands out of one hundred go up.  How can we feel comfortable talking to our children if we have no model to go by?  Granted, it’s hard to talk to your children if your parents never talked to you.  But there must be one generation that draws the line in the sand and says, “The buck stops here.  I’ll not allow my child to grow up sexually ignorant and self-conscious.  I’m going to raise sexually confident sons and daughters!”  And if you’re like me, I don’t just want my children to be sexually confident spouses.  I want that for my grandchildren, too, and for every female and male in my family for generations to come!   If that’s what we want, there’s only one way to get it.  Demonstrate what it looks like to pass the baton of sexual confidence from one generation to the next.  Then encourage her to do the same with your grandchildren someday.


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Excerpted from The Sexually Confident Wife: Connecting with Your Husband Mind*Body*Heart*Spirit by Shannon Ethridge. Copyright 2008.  All Rights Reserved. Published by Random House Inc, New York, NY. Used by Permission. Not to be copied without Publisher’s prior written approval.