People with sexual struggles often find it difficult to connect on an intimate spiritual level with others, but this is precisely the best prescription for understanding and overcoming any issue. Our sexual wounds originate in relationship, so we’re more likely to find healing in relationship.
But it’s easy to look out into the sea of faces filling the pews and assume, “These people have really got their act together!” That sweet family with six homeschooled children and a minivan, no way have they ever had to deal with any sexually inappropriate thoughts or behaviors in their holy household. That immaculately groomed guy in the finely tailored suit and shiny shoes, surely his money has insulated him from sexual dysfunction. That woman in the green polka dot dress and string of pearls, surely her husband is the only man she ever thinks about kissing her ruby red lips.
In fact, it’s easy for most people to step into any church and think, There’s no one here who struggles with sexual thoughts, feelings, and fantasies like I do. Not a single person who could possibly understand, so why bother coming here? So I can hide behind a mask and wallow privately in my personal guilt? No thank you. I can do that at home alone.
If this is your thinking about church, I’d like to confidently assure you that your impression is, quite frankly, dead wrong. Those homeschooling families often have sexual skeletons in their closets dating back multiple generations. Many of those well-dressed businessmen are dragged into my coaching office by their wives to peel back the layers of their pornography addictions. And those ladies with ruby red lips are often confessing to me that they’re wrestling with sexual thoughts and fantasies that would absolutely make your toes curl. They’re really no different than any other sexual being on the planet.
We all have our struggles. We all have our secrets. We are far more alike than we are different.
I’d love to wave a magic wand and completely impact church culture all over the world, making it widely known as the “Go-To Place” for sexual healing and wholeness. But I’m simply not that influential. I am one writer, with one voice.
However, I am ambitious enough to believe that if I can influence just one spiritual leader to open the lines of communication about all-things-sexual with their congregation . . . or one follower of Christ to open lines of communication with their spouse or their child or a friend or a fellow believer, then we can truly change the world one marriage, one family, one church and one community at a time.