5 Ways to Revive Sex in Your Marriage!

Guest Post by Julie Sibert

People are fascinated that I write and speak specifically about sex in marriage. My passion for the topic was born out of the pain of my first husband leaving me when I learned too late about the cost of neglected intimacy.

While lack of sexual intimacy wasn’t our only struggle, it did contribute tremendously to the weakening of our marriage.

Should have,

could have and

would have are but hollow echoes when signing divorce papers.

I vowed if I ever married again, I would not take intimacy for granted. What a difference that intentional decision makes! I have been remarried for several years and being intentional about sex is vital to our relationship.

That positive impact inspired me to encourage other married couples, too.

If you have this aching feeling that sexual intimacy is not all it could be in your marriage, you are not alone. I hear from many people – husbands and wives – who hunger for a revival of sex in their marriage.

Here are 5 Ways to Revive Sex in Your Marriage:

1. Recognize that something needs reviving.

Seems obvious, right? Well, too often in marriage, we skirt around issues, even if we have had a nagging suspicion that something just isn’t right. You can rationalize endlessly about the lack of sexual connection, but at some point, you just have to acknowledge –

even initially in your own heart – that enough is enough. You need to address the struggle.

Do you want to revive sex in your marriage? Start by getting real that something needs reviving. Stop trying to convince yourself that mediocre and infrequent intimacy is just what eventually happens in a marriage.

2. Have a heart-to-heart conversation.

Too nervous to come right out and say to your spouse that you are concerned about the lack of sexual intimacy? Consider writing your spouse a letter, with the goal of it being a springboard into verbal conversation.

Whether in a letter or face-to-face, be humble, share from your heart about your concerns and emphasize that you want to work together to fix the sexual struggles. No, there are no guarantees your spouse will agree. But you will never know until you try. With a positive focus on the benefits of nurtured sexual intimacy, you may discover they too are hungering for the same thing.

3. Get ruthless about carving out time for sex.

I think you already realize this, but there is always going to be an endless stack of things vying for your attention. Our counters, calendars, and desktops overflow. Whether it’s shuttling kids to practice, volunteering in the community or at church, keeping milk in the fridge or managing tedious work details, life is crammed full. Though we may have pined for adulting when we were young, the truth is it is hard work when we actually have to do it.

So how do a busy husband and wife move sex up a few notches on the priority list? You have to carve out the time. And sometimes that means pushing the laundry off the bed to focus first on the person you fell in love with and married. We don’t just drift into passionate enjoyable sex. We have to actually walk in that direction.

4. Explore new ways to arouse each other sexually.

When sex in a marriage has languished or disappeared, assumption usually is in close proximity. We too often assume we know what our spouse wants or needs. This tendency to assume can take its toll on a marriage, including sex.

If you want to revive your marriage sexually, you’re going to have to throw out assumption as your go-to method for understanding your spouse.

Now is the time to grow in your confidence and talk about what turns you on sexually and ask your spouse what they find arousing. Within the exclusivity and privacy of marriage, God gives us tremendous freedom to mutually enjoy sex. He wants us to better understand each other and not rely on assumption.

5. Invest in some Christian resources on sex.

When I started speaking and writing about sex, there were only a handful of other Christian authors speaking specifically about sex in marriage (Shannon Ethridge being a forerunner, of course!) But now? WOW! There are many reputable blogs, books, videos, and other resources available to help you nurture sex in your marriage.

A free resource I have on my site is 3 Keys to Passionate Sex God’s Way. You can access it at this link. I even have an entire page just on orgasm! Yes, orgasm. Whether you are perusing around my site, Shannon’s site or other Christian sites on sex, your eyes will be opened to not only the benefits of sexual intimacy in marriage but also the resources to get you there!

Want to revive sex in your marriage? The above five suggestions could put you on the right path.

Julie Sibert writes and speaks out of her own story, encouraging couples to nurture authentic sexual intimacy in marriage. She lives in Omaha, Nebraska, with her husband, two sons and a dog named Stella, who is busy destroying the yard. You can follow Julie’s blog at www.IntimacyInMarriage.com.