Understanding Our Sexual Layers

When it comes to marital intimacy for a woman, these four components of sexuality can best be prioritized by visualizing them as multiple layers found beneath the earth’s surface, with the physical dimension being the most superficial, and the spiritual dimension being the deepest, most fulfilling level of connection.

Again, for a woman, the most superficial of sexual connections is the physical. Don’t get me wrong. Sex feels great. But anyone can touch our bodies, and many men seem eager to do so. A mental connection is somewhat more fulfilling, as he sparks our imagination and stimulates us intellectually with deep conversations. An emotional connection is even better, as our heart is stirred and drawn in his direction because of his obvious care and compassion for us. But a spiritual connection is the ultimate sexual experience!

When our husbands take the time to look past the externals of what we look like… to look beyond what we can do for him… and to recognize who we are as a beautiful person created in the image of God, that is when we feel valued and cherished. The same is true in how wives look at husbands. He wants you to think he’s eye candy, and he wants you to appreciate all that he does for you, but his greatest desire is for you to respect who he is in the core of his being. This type of pair bond, coupled with a deep spiritual connection with the Creator of masculinity, femininity, and sexuality creates indescribable euphoria in the depth of our soul. Even better than a mind-blowing orgasm is a mind-boggling soul-to-soul connection with another human being (which, ironically, most often leads to the best mind-blowing orgasms!). When we experience this kind of deep spiritual connection over and over within marriage, it fulfills us in a way that nothing and no one else possibly can.

However, just as we can’t get to innermost layers of the earth without going through the surface, we can’t get to the innermost emotional and spiritual layers of our sexuality without first going through the physical and mental. In fact, there’s scientific evidence that humans need physical touch to feel fully connected to another human being.

Excerpted from The Sexually Confident Wife: Connecting with Your Husband Mind*Body*Heart*Spirit* by Shannon Ethridge. Copyright 2008. All Rights Reserved. Published by Random House Inc, New York, NY. Used by Permission. Not to be copied without Publisher’s prior written approval.