God designed sex to be shared between two bodies, two minds, two hearts, and two spirits which unite together to become a one-flesh union. If you’ve never experienced this one-flesh union in your marriage, then you are missing out on one of the most earth-shattering and fulfilling moments of your life! 

So how can you move from having “just sex” to experiencing a form of lovemaking that satisfies every fiber of your being? By understanding that sex is actually a form of worship to God that a husband and wife enter into together. When two become one flesh physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually with each other, it is saying to God, “Your plan for our sexual and emotional fulfillment is a good plan. We choose your plan instead of our own.” 

Perhaps this passage from Mike Mason’s The Mystery of Marriage will help you understand what God intended the honeymoon night and all other sexual encounters to be: 

What moment in a man’s life can compare with that of the wedding night, when a beautiful woman takes off all her clothes and lies next to him in bed, and that woman is his wife? What can equal the surprise of finding out that the one thing above all others which mankind has been most enterprising and proficient in dragging through the dirt turns out in fact to be the most innocent thing in the world? Is there any other activity at all which an adult man and woman may engage in together (apart from worship) that is actually more childlike, more clean and pure, more natural and wholesome and unequivocally right than is the act of making love? For if worship is the deepest available form of communion with God (and especially that particular act of worship known as Communion), then surely sex is the deepest communion that is possible between human beings, and as such is something absolutely essential (in more than a biological way) to our survival.¹ 

For help in seeing your lovemaking as an act of worship, I suggest you begin by getting spiritually naked. Pray together and invite God into your bedroom to help you experience the joy and the wonder of what He created and gave you as a gift for marriage. If you are not in the habit of praying together as a couple already, this may seem awkward for you. If so, start by praying together each night with no intention of engaging in sex afterward. As you talk and share openly with God and with each other, you will more than likely experience a spiritual closeness over time that may awaken your desire for a more intimate physical closeness. If so, you are moving in the right direction. As you both begin to experience this greater level of spiritual connection (and assuming you remain faithful in keeping your mind focused on intimacy only with your husband rather than with another), you will discover a deeper level of emotional fulfillment in your relationship. For a woman, it is these deeper levels of mental, emotional, and spiritual intimacy which are key to igniting a passion for physical intimacy with your husband. Once a woman experiences the intimacy of being mentally, emotionally, and spiritually naked before her husband and feeling as if she is loved for who she truly is on the inside, her natural response will be to want to give the outside package physically to her admirer. Notice I said want to, not feel that she has to. Our desire to give our bodies as a trophy to the man who has captivated our hearts and committed his faithfulness to us sets the stage for genuine sexual fulfillment. Sex performed merely out of obligation or duty will never satisfy you (or him) like presenting your passion-filled mind, body, heart, and soul to your husband on a silver platter, inviting your lover to come into your garden and taste its choice fruits (Song of Songs 4:16). 

REFERENCE(1) Mike Mason, The Mystery of Marriage(Portland, Oreg.: Multnomah, 1985), p.121.

Excerpted from Every Woman’s Battle: Discovering God’s Plan for Sexual and Emotional Fulfillment by Shannon Ethridge. Copyright 2003. All Rights Reserved. Published by WaterBrook Press, Colorado Springs, CO 80921. Used by Permission. Not to be copied without Publisher’s prior written approval.