Author and Advocate for Healthy Sexuality and Spirituality


Defining “Normal”- Part 5



Pink Thing #2:  
Is it normal that I prefer to fake it rather than exert the necessary energy to experience orgasm?
With multiple studies quoting anywhere from 50% to 70% of women faking orgasm, I’d have to say this is normal. But just because something is normal doesn’t make it healthy. 
For example, it’s normal (commonplace) for Americans to consume massive amounts of junk food during the course of a year, but it’s not the best choice.  It’s a far better choice to grocery shop for nutritious food and prepare it in healthy ways.  Yes, it takes more time and energy, but it’s a worthy investment. 
I’d have to say the same about orgasm. It may take longer to experience the real deal versus just faking it and getting it over with.  But you rob yourself of ultimate pleasure and sexual confidence by faking it, and you rob your partner of the fulfillment that comes from pleasing your spouse to the point of orgasm. 
Oh sure, you can lie to him. You can tell him what you think he wants to hear.  But there are no shortcuts to genuine sexual and marital intimacy. I recommend you be honest about your fears, hang-ups, or anything else that may be hindering a true orgasmic experience. Invite him to partner with you to help you overcome this mental or physical obstacle. 
Pink Thing #3:  Is it normal for me to break down and cry or break out in laughter after experiencing orgasm?
Earlier we talked about how men often collapse in exhaustion after making love, because sex is such an intense physical release for a man. Falling asleep immediately afterward is a common physiological response to physical exhaustion. For a woman, however, sex can create an intense emotional release. And what is the common physiological response to emotional exhaustion?  Sometimes, it’s tears, even though she doesn’t know why she’s crying. There’s nothing particularly wrong.  She’s not hurting or angry.  Yet tears flow freely down her cheeks.  These tears are an outward sign of an inward truth — that something has touched her heart in a deep, penetrating way.  Consider these tears of passion and celebrate the fact that you are so in touch with your feelings.

Other times, a woman’s response to the emotional release that sexual intercourse and orgasm provide is laughter – pure, unadulterated, hysterical laughter.  This, too, is perfectly normal, and an outward sign of what’s taken place on the inside.  Sexual intimacy should elicit great joy, and it’s okay to let that show.  Just make sure your husband understands that you are laughing WITH him, not AT him!


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Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Hot Tips For Sexually Confident Wives #74

Create Your Own Spiritual High!

We have a joke in our marriage that’s actually not a joke. It’s for real.
Whenever I leave to speak at a marriage, women’s, or B.L.A.S.T. conference, I always say to my husband, “I look forward to returning home for some post-conference sex!”
How do I know there’s going to be “post-conference sex?” Because after years of traveling and speaking, I’ve learned that I always return from these events on a spiritual high. And when I’m on a spiritual high, guess what kind of other high comes naturally? Uh-huh. A sexual high!
I find it absolutely fascinating that whenever we fan the flames of our spirituality, the flames of our sexuality are stoked as well. It’s kind of like in the opening lines of The Grapes of Wrath, where the minister preaches up a storm at a revival, then immediately goes into a field and has sex. It just seems like the most natural thing in the world — as if we’re doing exactly what God designed us to do – functioning as both spiritual and sexual beings.
So pray up a storm together, and see if you don’t find yourself getting aroused eventually. Read a great spiritual book together, and consider it foreplay to something even richer. Attend a worship service together, and carve out the following block of time to simply go home, lay in each other’s arms, and “debrief” from the service. :o)
Figure out what makes YOU come alive spiritually, and chances are, you’ll also discover what makes you come alive sexually!
Wishing you both spiritual and sexual highs,

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