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Issue 32 - May 2008 May Greetings From Shannon Ethridge Ministries!
“How does a 50 year old woman like myself reconcile the notion that ‘sex is a gift’ or that ‘sex is good’ when I have been sexually abused, raped twice, and beaten by my father for talking to boys that I never slept with? For me sex has been a torment, a shame, something to fear, something to be disgusted with, and something that God must hate. I have wished since I was a small child that I was created a holy angel instead of a human being! How do I reconcile sex with a holy God? Where do I start? I am a Christian but this area of my life has left me feeling like I am contaminated, unfit, like I will never feel holy until I leave this body! Am I alone in this? Help!” -D.C.
Dear D.C., You are certainly NOT alone in feeling the way you do. I'm so sorry that you've experienced so much pain when it comes to sexuality, but please don't throw out the baby, the bathwater, AND the rubber ducky!
In response to your thinking that sex is something God must hate, let me dispel that myth. God gave us the beautiful, pleasurable gift of sexuality BEFORE the fall of man. Unfortunately, Satan distorted this gift seven different ways just in the book of Genesis alone, and he’s still at it today. God does, however, hate sexual abuse, and He hates it that you’ve been treated this way. What was done to you should NEVER have been done to any human being, but please don’t let your past rob you of your present and future. Place the blame where it belongs - on your abusers - but don’t abuse your husband by withholding sex when he wasn’t the one who hurt you. Some women assume that because MEN have always been the source of their abuse, ALL men must be bad. That’s simply not true. That’s like a man saying, “All women are sluts,” or “All women are frigid.” Just as each woman is unique in how she lives out her sexuality, each man is unique in how he lives out his sexuality. Punishing your husband for things other men did to you in the past is really punishing yourself and robs you of sexual pleasure and genuine relational intimacy. Your sexual relationship with your husband, given a chance, could actually be a very healing force in your life (as my relationship with my husband has been). Simply put, we’re wounded in relationships, and we’re healed in relationships. I think it would be helpful for you to see a counselor as a couple, or at the very least see one on your own.
I also have an upcoming book that I believe will help you tremendously to overcome the pain and shame, then embrace and enjoy the gift. It's called "The Sexually Confident Wife" where you'll find an entire chapter on Healing the Scars of Sexual Abuse, as well as many other chapters to help you understand and celebrate female sexuality as God INTENDED it to be.
Reader's Response: "Be Encouraged!" “I receive your monthly email newsletter, and I saw the question from the mom with a daughter who has been exposed to sexuality already at age 5. I just want to let you know (and encourage other ladies out there who might also be in this situation) about my younger sister, whom we adopted as part of a threesome sibling group a couple years ago. My sister had been sexually exploited at the age of 2, and we have struggled with that ever since we adopted her and her siblings. Fortunately, it sounds like the lady that wrote to you has a healthy family and that this was a kind of "freak" incident, if you will. I just really want to encourage anyone else that might be in a situation like that, because my sister is starting to heal. She is not as sexually flamboyant as she used to be, and I and my mom are doing our best, along with my dad and brothers and various therapists, to help her forge healthy, happy, strong relationships, especially with women. Don't give up, ladies! I feel for you who have to deal with this, but there is hope! My sister was abused for her first 2-3 years of life, and despite that she is improving! One last thing: we never could have done it without prayer and support from strong Christians. God hears you, and He will answer in His time! Thanks for letting me send this in. God bless you in your ministry!” -Carolyn
Loving Jesus Without Limits Audio Books Do you prefer listening to books rather than reading them? Do you have a long commute each day, or are you planning a long road trip? If so, you’ll be glad to know that the entire Loving Jesus Without Limits series is now on audio book format! You can now order the lead book or any of the four devotionals at www.ShannonEthridge.com.
As our gift to you each month, we’ll be sharing one reading from each devotional in every newsletter this year. Click here to Go Fishing with Jesus from Day 1 of Completely Irresistible.
Mark Your Calendars - Shannon Is Coming To... Big Bear, CA - May 30 - June 1, 2008 The Church at Rocky Peak. Shannon will be speaking at a Ladies Retreat at Pine Summit Christian Conference Center. For more information visit www.rockypeak.org
Completely His Women’s Event at First Assembly of God, 2715 US Hwy 183N, Lockhart, TX. Contact Sally Lujan at sally@performancecollisionrepair.com for more info.
Garden Valley, TX - July 15, 2008 Shannon leads sessions at Teen Mania’s EXTREME Summer Camps. Contact Nate Clingman at Nathan.clingman@teenmania.org for more info.
“Land Down Under” Speaking Tour - August 1 - 15, 2008 Shannon and family will be touring the Sydney, Melbourne, Gold Coast area on a mission to impact Australian teens and adults! If you are interested in having her speak at your church or school, please contact John & Judy Bradford at jjbradford@westnet.com.au. Current dates are:
Clute, TX - October 4, 2008 Pure Passion Conference for Teens at First Baptist Church, 101 E. Brazoswood Drive., Clute, TX. Contact Joshua Pettijohn at josh_pettijohn@ltia.org for more info.
Ladies Banquet at Community Christian Church. For more info. contact terese.rea@cccsterling.org.
Women’s Journey of Faith Conference at TCU Place. For more info. contact jodi@wjof.com.
Shannon & Greg will be leading a “Taking Your Marriage Over the Top” one-day conference on January 5th (open to the public) followed by several sessions on January 6th for the National Conference on Youth Ministries (NCYM) for the Churches of Christ. Contact Mike Brown at mike.brown@lafayettechurch.org for more info.
Cozumel, Mexico - February 5-9, 2009 Sail with Shannon’s family and other speakers on a Premier Christian Cruise from Mobile, AL to Cozumel, Mexico! Mark your calendars now.
Lebanon, TN - February 12, 2009 Mother/Daughter Banquet at Friendship Christian School. For more info. contact Brooke Akin at brookeakin@friendshipchristian.org.
We love hearing from you about what God is doing in your life as you read! Listen to these cool testimonies from all over the globe, and praise God with us…
Marcy writes: “Shannon, I would like to thank you so much for your book, every woman's marriage. I have been married for 7 months and your book has been a blessing. I bought your book right after my husband and I had gotten into a big fight. I wanted to blame him for everything but, I believe, the holy spirit led me to go buy your book! I was fighting the voice inside me because I wanted to pity myself. However, I am so glad that I didn't go down that road. It was exactly what I needed to read. I shared a lot of it with my husband, too. Anyway, thank you for being so open and so "real" in your writing. You have inspired me to be the same way. God Bless You!”
Robert writes: "Thank you for your courage, strength, and love for Christ and for others. I am a Christian father who had been suffering for years of drug addictions, sexual immorality, and many internal issues. My whole life I've believed in God, but within the last 4 years have come to know Jesus personally and have given my life to Him. I have 3 wonderful, beautiful Christian daughters --ages 13, 16, and 27. I prayed to Jesus for help, strength, and guidance in raising them as a single parent. He answered me loud and clear with you. I heard you on a Christian radio talk show. Christ touched me through your testimony and I’ve begun to understand my own downfalls, and I’m letting go of guilt that never was mine to begin with. Thank you for your courage to share your life and wisdom. I am sharing all you have to offer with my daughters to strengthen them for their future. I want to give your books, DVDs, and tapes to every woman I know. You will never really know the blessing and answer to my prayers you have been. I trust with all my heart and soul that God will continue to bless me and my family. I pray He uses me in way's to help others as He is using you. GOD BLESS!!"
YES, we love to hear from men as well!
If God’s doing something in your life, marriage, family, or ministry as a result of reading one of Shannon’s books, let us know so we can praise God with you!
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