Author and Advocate for Healthy Sexuality and Spirituality

Category Archives: Sexually Confident Wife

Hot Tips For Sexually Confident Wives #10

Erasing (and Embracing)
our Past
One day we came across a wedding party while walking on a beach in Australia. The bridesmaids had their dress hems lifted high and were making an elaborate design in the sand with their bare feet by walking around in a huge spiral. The following day I was walking past the same area and looking for evidence of their sand art, but it had been erased by the high tide. No traces of it remained — only memories.

At that point, I wished every woman who’d confided in me that they’re still struggling with their sexual past (there’ve been thousands) could be there with me – women like Felicity who’s had four abortions… Rachel who’s had more sexual partners than she can recall… Margaret who wasted eight precious years in an affair with a married man (names have been changed, of course). Oh, if I had a dime for every woman in the world with a past sexual regret, I’d be a very wealthy woman! Why did I want to gather these women on that beach? For an object lesson: Whatever we’ve done in the past, it’s been washed away! The tides of time and God’s forgiveness have erased our past, so why do we pretend it’s still following us around like a big wad of bubble gum stuck to our shoe?

If you’re still living in your promiscuous past, know that it’s GONE, girlfriend! Don’t let memories of your sexual past haunt you like a ghost. Don’t let yesterday’s pain rob you of today’s pleasure!

Also, your past can not only be erased, it can also be embraced! Simply let those past memories serve as spiritual markers of how far you’ve come in your journey toward sexual integrity. Discern what you can learn from those past mistakes, then let those lessons serve you well as you seek to become the sexually confident wife that you deserve to be!

Wishing you joy in your journey,

Shannon

 

Miss Part of the Series?

by Shannon Ethridge. Copyright 2008.  All Rights Reserved. Published by Random House Inc, New York, NY. Used by Permission. Not to be copied without Publisher’s prior written approval. 

Hot Tips For Sexually Confident Wives #9

If you saw marriage counselor Gary Neuman featured on Oprah, you saw the major controversy that was stirred! Women were screaming, “It’s not fair to blame the wife when a husband cheats!” I agree that men are responsible for their own poor choices, but I also wholeheartedly agree with Neuman about his findings…

In his book “The Truth About Cheating,” Neuman discusses how the “other woman” isn’t usually as pretty or interesting as the wife. So what’s the draw? The emotional high he experiences when she makes him feel better about himself than his wife does. In his survey of 200 husbands, 48% of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they were unfaithful.

I toss this statistic out there as a vivid reminder — sexual needs aren’t all that we need to pay attention to when it comes to keeping our man happy. We also need to be aware of his emotional needs. Yep, men have them too! For example, one of our friends lamented when I was writing 
The Sexually Confident Wife:
Why is it that women think they can be rude, demanding, and disrespectful to their husbands, then expect that everything should function normally in bed? When my wife rides me all evening about how I don’t help out enough in the house or with the kids, or how I don’t bring home enough money for her to pay all the bills, or how I don’t pay her enough attention or meet her emotional needs, the last thing I want to do is cuddle up next to her and make love.

 

Think about it. If a man treated a woman harshly during the day, would she be eager to let him touch her that night? Not a chance. This dynamic works both ways. Sometimes a woman expects that her husband’s heart and penis should be made of steel, built to withstand the most disappointing and frustrating of relational dynamics. But he’s no robot. He’s a human being with feelings and emotions, and he needs to be somewhat affirmed in order to feel aroused.

So while it’s easy for women to whine, “You don’t meet my emotional needs!,” let’s press the pause button and ask ourselves, “When was the last time I focused on meeting HIS emotional needs? What can I do this week to refuel that loving feeling?”

Wishing you warm hearts toward one another,

Shannon

Miss Part of the Series?

by Shannon Ethridge. Copyright 2008.  All Rights Reserved. Published by Random House Inc, New York, NY. Used by Permission. Not to be copied without Publisher’s prior written approval.