A Personal Report Card

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Whether you have a long way to go in the process of becoming a more sexually confident wife, or just a little, is based on where you currently stand.  To help you assess where you are on the sexual confidence scale, here’s a list of 69 questions (pun intended!) to ask yourself.                                                                                                                            

Disagree                                                                    Strongly Disagree                 

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 ____  1.  I feel good about who I am as a sexual female.

____  2.  I have no doubt that my husband finds me sexually attractive.

____  3  I trust my husband completely when making love.

____  4.  I am comfortable having sex as often as my husband wants to.

____  5.  I am comfortable having sex however my husband wants to do it.

____  6.  I initiate sex often with my husband with confidence that I won’t be denied.

____  7.  I am comfortable inside my own skin and like who I see in the mirror.

____  8.  I experience sexual desire for my husband.

____  9.  I am comfortable with my husband looking at my naked body.

____  10.  I believe my husband likes my body just the way it is.

____  11.  I like the size of my breasts.

____  12.  I believe my husband likes the size of my breasts.

____  13.  I am comfortable with the shape of my body.

____  14.  I am comfortable with the size of my body.

____  15.  I am not ashamed to let my husband look at my vagina.

____  16.  I am not embarrassed to let my husband touch my vagina.

____  17.  I am comfortable with my husband performing oral sex.

____  18.  I am at ease with vaginal penetration (intercourse).

____  19.  I believe I know exactly what turns my husband on.

____  20.  I have confidence that I can bring my husband to climax every time.

____  21.  I believe that my own sexual pleasure is important to my husband.

____  22.  I am worthy of the investment of time and effort it takes for me to orgasm.

____  23.  It does not bother me for other people to know that I am a sexual woman.

____  24.  It does not bother me if my children are aware that their parents have sex.

____  25.  I am very interested in sexual activity with my husband.

____  26.  My husband considers me an interesting sex partner.

____  27.  I am willing to try new sexual positions.

____  28.  I am willing to try new sexual acts.

____  29.  I feel the freedom to verbalize my personal desires in bed.

____  30.  I am comfortable asking how I might pleasure my husband sexually.

____  31.  I do not worry about my husband asking me to do something degrading in bed.

____  32.  I don’t worry about my husband rejecting my sexual advances.

____  33.  I have confidence that I satisfy my husband completely in the bedroom.

____  34.  I believe my husband only seeks sexual pleasure within our marriage.

____  35.  My husband doesn’t feel the need to look elsewhere for sexual release.

____  36.  I believe I couldn’t feel any sexier than I do now.

____  37.  I believe I couldn’t be any sexier in my husband’s eyes than I am now.

____  38.  I experience orgasm whenever I choose to.

____  39.  I enjoy experiencing vaginal (g-spot) orgasms.

____  40.  I enjoy clitoral orgasms.

____  41.  I am able to achieve multiple orgasms.

____  42.  I believe I am a good steward of my sexuality and the power it holds.

____  43.  I believe my husband is a good steward of his sexuality and the power it holds.

____  44.  I believe sex bonds me and my husband together in a special and unique way.

____  45.  I do not struggle with issues of low self-esteem.

____  46.  I feel worthy of a man’s attention and affection.

____  47.  I do not feel inferior to any other woman.

____  48.  I am not haunted by sexual “ghosts” in my past.

____  49.  I do not bear any scars from previous sexual abuse or experiences.

____  50.  Sexual intimacy does not elicit any negative emotions at all.

____  51.  I don’t worry about what others might think if they knew my sexual past.

____  52.  I don’t fear being drawn toward previous lovers.

____  53.  I don’t fear being drawn toward new extramarital lovers.

____  54.  I am comfortable with my own sexual fantasies.

____  55.  I have no problem verbalizing my sexual fantasies to my husband.

____  56.  I make personal hygiene a daily priority so I never have to worry about unpleasant odors.

____  57.  My bedroom is a place that provides a sexual sanctuary in my marriage.

____  58.  I believe I look sexy in the underwear I choose to wear.

____  59.  I don’t believe there is any “morally wrong” sexual position within marriage.

____  60.  My spirituality and sexuality are not in conflict with one another.

____  61.  I am willing to be on top in bed if it stimulates my husband to watch me.

____  62.  I consistently make time for sex because it’s an important aspect of our lives.

____  63.  I believe our sex life is at least “normal” or “better than normal.”

____  64.  My children feel free to ask me about or discuss sexual issues.

____  65.  I am comfortable initiating conversations with my children about sexuality.

____  66.  I believe my children want a marriage like mine someday.

____  67.  I believe my husband sees me as a sexually confident wife.

____  68.  I see myself as a sexually confident wife.

____  69.  Based on my example, I believe my daughter will be a sexually confident wife someday.

I’m not going to give you a scale by which you can give yourself a “grade,” because it’s not about how our numbers average out.  It’s about celebrating our strengths and being willing to work on our weaknesses.  Just glance back over your numbers and you’ll recognize the areas in which you have the most confidence, and which areas need improvement.

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Excerpted from The Sexually Confident Wife: Connecting with Your Husband Mind*Body*Heart*Spirit by Shannon Ethridge. Copyright 2008.  All Rights Reserved. Published by Random House Inc, New York, NY. Used by Permission. Not to be copied without Publisher’s prior written approval.

*Woman Writing Image Credit: Josh Ardle Photography