A Personal Report Card
Whether you have a long way to go in the process of becoming a more sexually confident wife, or just a little, is based on where you currently stand. To help you assess where you are on the sexual confidence scale, here’s a list of 69 questions (pun intended!) to ask yourself.
Disagree Strongly Disagree
0 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
____ 1. I feel good about who I am as a sexual female.
____ 2. I have no doubt that my husband finds me sexually attractive.
____ 3 I trust my husband completely when making love.
____ 4. I am comfortable having sex as often as my husband wants to.
____ 5. I am comfortable having sex however my husband wants to do it.
____ 6. I initiate sex often with my husband with confidence that I won’t be denied.
____ 7. I am comfortable inside my own skin and like who I see in the mirror.
____ 8. I experience sexual desire for my husband.
____ 9. I am comfortable with my husband looking at my naked body.
____ 10. I believe my husband likes my body just the way it is.
____ 11. I like the size of my breasts.
____ 12. I believe my husband likes the size of my breasts.
____ 13. I am comfortable with the shape of my body.
____ 14. I am comfortable with the size of my body.
____ 15. I am not ashamed to let my husband look at my vagina.
____ 16. I am not embarrassed to let my husband touch my vagina.
____ 17. I am comfortable with my husband performing oral sex.
____ 18. I am at ease with vaginal penetration (intercourse).
____ 19. I believe I know exactly what turns my husband on.
____ 20. I have confidence that I can bring my husband to climax every time.
____ 21. I believe that my own sexual pleasure is important to my husband.
____ 22. I am worthy of the investment of time and effort it takes for me to orgasm.
____ 23. It does not bother me for other people to know that I am a sexual woman.
____ 24. It does not bother me if my children are aware that their parents have sex.
____ 25. I am very interested in sexual activity with my husband.
____ 26. My husband considers me an interesting sex partner.
____ 27. I am willing to try new sexual positions.
____ 28. I am willing to try new sexual acts.
____ 29. I feel the freedom to verbalize my personal desires in bed.
____ 30. I am comfortable asking how I might pleasure my husband sexually.
____ 31. I do not worry about my husband asking me to do something degrading in bed.
____ 32. I don’t worry about my husband rejecting my sexual advances.
____ 33. I have confidence that I satisfy my husband completely in the bedroom.
____ 34. I believe my husband only seeks sexual pleasure within our marriage.
____ 35. My husband doesn’t feel the need to look elsewhere for sexual release.
____ 36. I believe I couldn’t feel any sexier than I do now.
____ 37. I believe I couldn’t be any sexier in my husband’s eyes than I am now.
____ 38. I experience orgasm whenever I choose to.
____ 39. I enjoy experiencing vaginal (g-spot) orgasms.
____ 40. I enjoy clitoral orgasms.
____ 41. I am able to achieve multiple orgasms.
____ 42. I believe I am a good steward of my sexuality and the power it holds.
____ 43. I believe my husband is a good steward of his sexuality and the power it holds.
____ 44. I believe sex bonds me and my husband together in a special and unique way.
____ 45. I do not struggle with issues of low self-esteem.
____ 46. I feel worthy of a man’s attention and affection.
____ 47. I do not feel inferior to any other woman.
____ 48. I am not haunted by sexual “ghosts” in my past.
____ 49. I do not bear any scars from previous sexual abuse or experiences.
____ 50. Sexual intimacy does not elicit any negative emotions at all.
____ 51. I don’t worry about what others might think if they knew my sexual past.
____ 52. I don’t fear being drawn toward previous lovers.
____ 53. I don’t fear being drawn toward new extramarital lovers.
____ 54. I am comfortable with my own sexual fantasies.
____ 55. I have no problem verbalizing my sexual fantasies to my husband.
____ 56. I make personal hygiene a daily priority so I never have to worry about unpleasant odors.
____ 57. My bedroom is a place that provides a sexual sanctuary in my marriage.
____ 58. I believe I look sexy in the underwear I choose to wear.
____ 59. I don’t believe there is any “morally wrong” sexual position within marriage.
____ 60. My spirituality and sexuality are not in conflict with one another.
____ 61. I am willing to be on top in bed if it stimulates my husband to watch me.
____ 62. I consistently make time for sex because it’s an important aspect of our lives.
____ 63. I believe our sex life is at least “normal” or “better than normal.”
____ 64. My children feel free to ask me about or discuss sexual issues.
____ 65. I am comfortable initiating conversations with my children about sexuality.
____ 66. I believe my children want a marriage like mine someday.
____ 67. I believe my husband sees me as a sexually confident wife.
____ 68. I see myself as a sexually confident wife.
____ 69. Based on my example, I believe my daughter will be a sexually confident wife someday.
I’m not going to give you a scale by which you can give yourself a “grade,” because it’s not about how our numbers average out. It’s about celebrating our strengths and being willing to work on our weaknesses. Just glance back over your numbers and you’ll recognize the areas in which you have the most confidence, and which areas need improvement.
Excerpted from The Sexually Confident Wife: Connecting with Your Husband Mind*Body*Heart*Spirit by Shannon Ethridge. Copyright 2008. All Rights Reserved. Published by Random House Inc, New York, NY. Used by Permission. Not to be copied without Publisher’s prior written approval.
*Woman Writing Image Credit: Josh Ardle Photography